The Phil Silvers Show

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041: The Song of the Motor Pool

Bilko and his men perform a few vocal numbers at an audition for an Army TV show in New York, without success. The Master Sergeant quickly reaches the conclusion that the motor pool needs its own theme song, so they can have another crack at it and go to New York.

Henshaw suggests a Rock and Roll song; a genre that would have been a few years old at most when this was filmed. And Elvis Presley gets a mention, which reminded me that in one of the later episodes there's a character called Elvin Pelvin who gets transferred to the motor pool, intended as a spoof of Elvis' time in the Army.

Elvis would have been 21 when this was made, less than a year after his first single was released.

Ultimately they go with a tune that Paparelli likes to sing in the shower. Very silly one really but amusing enough. And there's an excellent payoff.

Darrin's boss from Bewitched turns up again.

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042: Bilko's Engagement

Bilko finds out that Joan is out at the movies with another sergeant, which brings out his jealous streak in a big way. This leads to an unseemly quarrel, after which he attempts to make it up to her by sending her a gift from a jeweller's. But there's a mix up and she receives an engagement ring by mistake.

How can Ernie get out of it?

There's a surprising timeline issue in that it's claimed in this episode that they've been an item for five years, but they only met in the first series.

Joan has two "maiden aunts"; that's an expression you don't hear a lot these days.

Rocco mentions that Kansas is a "dry state" when Bilko asks him to buy some whiskey. That surprised me somewhat, but it wasn't true. Kansas repealed its prohibition law in 1948.

Average one, but I did laugh out loud a few times.

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043: A Mess Sergeant Can't Win

Sgt Ritzik is leaving the army, and he's having a farewell party. Everyone's invited except Bilko, whom he resents for having beaten him at gambling persistently for years.

Ritzik is actually a replacement for Sowici (played by Harry Clark, who sadly died before the second series was filmed). And yet it's implied that he and Bilko have known each other for 15 years. Just a nitpick.

Bilko feels bad about having won so much money off Ritzik over the years so he decides to give it back. And he does attempt to give Ritzik $400, entirely innocently, but his old comrade is too distrustful to accept it. The story is basically about Bilko trying to trick someone into taking money off him, instead of the other way round for a change. And of course in the best traditions of a farce, it goes hilariously wrong.

Ritzik's overbearing (but long-suffering) wife is hilarious.

Good one. I like the ones that combine Bilko's humanity with his tendency to connive.

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044: Doberman's Sister

It's Open Weekend at Fort Baxter, when the mens' families are allowed to visit the camp - and an opportunity for them to date each others' sisters, at the dance Bilko has organised.

But of course, nobody wants to date Doberman's sister. Until Bilko manages to convince the platoon that she's a stunner by the application of clever and devious psychology. Then they all do. Somehow, Bilko manages to convince himself that Doberman's sister must be spectacular. And from that moment on, you can guess exactly what happens.

Eartha Kitt gets a mention, so does Marilyn Monroe. Actually there's quite a passable Marilyn lookalike in a scene that's one of Bilko's dreams.

Good one.

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045: Where There's A Will

One of Bilko's platoon is leaving the army, and there's an emotional farewell. Oddly, we haven't actually seen him before.

It turns out that the lad is likely to inherit a huge fortune on the death of his rich uncle (I think this is the third, or possibly fourth time this idea has been used). But actually he only inherits $1 and a parrot, because while the lad was in the Army, his devious and greedy relatives managed to turn the rich uncle against him.

Bilko to the rescue (of course).

Here's an odd thing: there's a single out-of-place frame in the video. It's pretty innocuous, just a frame from a scene a few minutes earlier. Editing error, presumably. Probably not a subliminal message.

The character of the cheated young man seems to be based on Stan Laurel, and it's a passable impersonation.

Definitely one of the more fanciful ones. Really very, very implausible, even for Bilko. But enjoyable. All the same, not a great one.

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046: Bilko's Tax Trouble

Bilko is being investigated by the Internal Revenue, due to a mix up. He receives a stern letter from the tax office that should have gone to someone else.

And since Bilko has actually cheated the tax man, he naturally thinks they've got him bang to rights. Unfortunately, when he turns up at the tax office to bluster his way out of it, he only draws attention to his own tax affairs and ends up getting investigated legitimately. And this story is about the extraordinary and creative lengths he goes to, to balance the books from his numerous nefarious activities.

I recognised one of the officials at the tax office as Kojak's boss, 'Frank' (Dan Frazer).

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047: Mink Incorporated

$100 has gone missing from the platoon fund while Bilko was looking after it, but he's very reluctant to explain what happened. Eventually he admits that he bet it on a horse.

But he comes up with a scheme to make a fortune, by farming mink at the camp. To buy a breeding pair, he proposes to use the remaining $300 in the fund.

The NCO uniforms are different in this one - same shirt, but dark (rather than matching) trousers and cap.



Quite a silly one really. Possibly a little too far over the border into surreal. But it's not bad. There's some surprisingly dark humour in it.

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048: Sergeant Bilko Presents Ed Sullivan

Bilko auditions as a singer for the annual all-Army edition of the Ed Sullivan Show, without success. This provokes a remarkable episode of self-reflection and humility in Bilko.

But Mr Sullivan himself is keen to have representation from Kansas, so - since the finale features a jeep (really? OK), the producers send for the Motor Pool sergeant from Fort Baxter - which of course snaps him out of his uncharacteristic humility in an instant. It's a hilarious moment.

Ed Sullivan plays himself of course and he does turn in a natural performance. Partly.

It's a bit like the one where Bilko takes over the production of a war film, in the first series. I think he can be a bit too manipulative to be funny, sometimes. I think he overdoes the chutzpah in this one.

David Niven gets a mention. Julie Andrews gets a brief mention again. Odd to think of her being well known, years before The Sound Of Music and Mary Poppins. And in a similar way it's interesting to know that Ed Sullivan was clearly a household name, seven years before the Fab Four appeared on his show at the very onset of Beatlemania - an event to which, to many, The Sullivan Show is synonymous.

Interesting one. Overall I'm not convinced but there are some real laugh-out-loud moments toward the end after Bilko and Sullivan lock antlers.

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049: Bilko Gets Some Sleep

Joan's mad at Bilko after she finds out that he's been playing poker all night, despite having told her that he couldn't see her because he was upset that his Uncle Felix had died. And when Colonel Hall is denied the use of his jeep yet again because Bilko has it (on the pretext that it's undergoing a service), he forbids the Master Sergeant to use any military vehicle until his paperwork is up to date.

Then when his poker victims are all otherwise engaged, Bilko finds himself with nothing to do late at night but listen to his conscience.

Bilko's conscience is played by an actor we've seen in a few episodes before when a Bilko lookalike was called for, and I don't think this works particularly well. For one thing, his conscience doesn't particularly look like him, apart from being follically challenged and wearing specs. Shortly afterward, his ego turns up as well.



Their conversation troubles Bilko so much that he decides to talk to the camp psychiatrist. His babbling, hyperactive monologue in his office is extraordinary. What a force of nature Phil Silvers was. I don't even see how he could have memorised it. Perhaps there were some cues written on a card on the set, but he must have ad-libbed some of it. It gets a round of applause.

The psychiatrist's advice is for Bilko to start behaving like a normal master sergeant. He comes over all dedicated and conscientious, which of course only makes everyone he knows suspicious to the point of paranoia.

Very good one. Clever.

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050: The Blue Blood of Bilko

The son of one of Bilko's fellow sergeants is getting married into one of the wealthiest families in America.

When the lad's painfully snobby in-laws-to-be find out that their prospective son-in-law is the son of a humble non-commissioned officer in the Army - after commissioning a report on his background, no less - they are scandalised and insist that his dad can't come to the wedding.

Bilko poses as an intelligence officer to convince them - by generally being high-handed, officious and condescending - that the lad's father is secretly a critically important military figure.

Kind of a rerun of the one in which Bilko gets an old friend a salary increase at the Wall Street firm he works for.

It's a bit too silly really, although I did like the payoff.

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051: Love That Guardhouse

Bilko cleans up at poker again, in an opening scene that establishes Ritzik as the worst gambler in the world. But why do any of the other sergeants play poker with Bilko when he always wins?

Unfortunately, Ritzik can't seem to help himself. After another unfortunate night of losing money to Bilko, he goes AWOL to Las Vegas to have a go at Roulette.

He wins $1750, which I think would have been more than a master sergeant's yearly salary in 1957.

There are some wonderful moments when the other sergeants are covering up for his absence. Pure farce. Colonek Hall does his best to protect Ritzik, who's convinced his luck has changed, from losing all his winnings to Bilko when he returns. He does this by putting Ritzik in the guardhouse.

One of the other master sergeants is new, a large black man. But I don't remember him so I don't think he can have played the part regularly.

Very good one.

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052: Sergeant Bilko Presents Bing Crosby

Bilko is organising another dance, but no-one is particulary interested in buying tickets. Except for Colonel Hall's wife. I love the way she laps up Bilko's gratuitous and very obviously insincere flattery.

Unfortunately the Colonel himself isnt quite so keen, and he withdraws permission for Bilko to use the rec hall, whatever that is - thereby bringing the Bilko social season to a grinding halt, as Henshaw shrewdly observes.

Henshaw suggests finding a big-name attraction to come to the camp, to entertain the men. Bilko finds out that Bing Crosby will be passing through Kansas on his way to Hollywood, and a plan is hatched. He manages to persuade Bing to visit Fort Baxter.

The WACs in Admin go a bit unhinged when they find out that Bing is coming. I guess he must have been quite the heart-throb back in the day. Then again, the Colonel's reaction is similar.

Delightfully, yer actual Bing does appear as himself in the last couple of minutes. This would have been made about two years after the White Christmas film.

Not a bad one, one of the very few that I have no memory of having seen.

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053: Bilko Goes to Monte Carlo

After five sleepless nights of intense study and experimentation, Bilko has come up with a mathematical system to beat the Roulette wheel. An elementary understanding of probability theory and the principles involved would tell you that this is categorically impossible, but hey.

His friends and comrades rush to cash in their savings bonds or borrow from their friends and family to invest in Bilko's project so he can make a fortune in Las Vegas. But the Colonel forbids him to go there, so he goes to Monte Carlo instead. he hitches a ride with the air force.

Frank from Kojak turns up again, this time as a pilot.

Interesting one. I liked it.

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054: Bilko Enters Politics

Bilko tries to persuade the local mayor to build a serviceman's club, with the intention of making money out of it of course. But the local mayor is not remotely interested.

Fortunately there's an election coming up. Usually the mayor runs uncontested, so Bilko has the idea of running one of the platoon against him - just to pressure him into making a deal over the club.

I loved this exchange :

Henshaw: "How about Paparelli?"
Bilko: "Paparelli? I don't think he's a citizen. I think we captured him in Italy, he's just sorta tagged along"

Bilko settles on Doberman.

There's a running joke in this one about a middle-aged woman who's affronted that she was wolf-whistled at by a soldier. It gets a big laugh in 1957, because it's an overreaction to something harmless and trivial. But in 2023 I believe that's a misogynist hate crime, now.

Feels like a little movie, this one. Should have made it into a feature film.

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055: Bilko's Television Idea

The agents of a failing TV comic called Buddy Bickford decide to put him in a sitcom about the Army. To help him ease into his new character, they arrange for him to stay at Fort Baxter for a week.

Naturally, Bilko sees an opportunity to make some money.

Buddy is played by an actor named Danny Dayton, who played much the same character - a tediously zany comedian who isn't particularly funny - in an episode of M*A*S*H, about twenty-five years later (but also set in the '50s, of course). As you can see, Colonel Hall is more impressed than Major Winchester.





There's a nice moment near the end where the script gently nudges the fourth wall.

Bilko at his most cynically devious and manipulative. Loved it. I remember this one very well, I think I watched it in the '80s some time.