Between The Wheels

Last year I watched every episode of M*A*S*H starting on January 1st and this year I've given myself an easier task: I'm going to work through my box set of The Phil Silvers Show (better known to many as "'Sergeant Bilko"). There are 142 episodes. I will watch one per day.

First up then: Series 1, Episode 1: New Recruits.

I've seen this one a few times before but not for years. Good introductory episode. Bilko is placed in charge of a platoon of new recruits - much to his surprise. Establishes Bilko as a devious, sharp operator who knows all the tricks, but when it comes down to it - he's one of the good guys.

I laughed out loud several times. I can't imagine another 1950s sitcom that would make me do that. Actually off-hand I can't even think of another one.

When I started secondary school, which was a really strict all male environment, my first year class master went by the nickname Bilko. I never questioned why and strangely we shared the same first name. That's Christian name in old money. He was our English teacher and introduced us to general analysis which I think is dead and buried now but which I dearly wish I had gained a greater grasp of. I think I must have been in my early twenties the first time I watched a Phil Silvers show and that penny which had been tumbling around my mind without me realising, finally dropped. He was basically my English master. Black robe swapped for a US army uniform. I was happy the box had been ticked but a bit annoyed that I hadn't been more inquisitive when I was twelve.

Always preferred Top Cat myself, tbh  ;)

002: Empty Store

Bilko is short of money after a loss at poker, and his fellow card-playing sergeants are very reluctant to give him an opportunity to win it back.

He's still in charge of the new recruits in this one, to his irritation - a nice bit of continuity from the first episode. It turns out that the other sergeants have taken a large sum of money off one of them while Bilko was away from the game, so he hatches a scheme to get it back with interest.

Really quite a clever plot. But as always the best thing about this show is the personality that Silvers invests in Bilko. The timing, the facial expressions, the body language - brilliant.

003: The WAC

Ernie sets up an elaborate scheme to gain an advantage over the other master sergeants, in his own self interest, naturally. It's fantastically improbable, but of course it pays to suspend disbelief.

But his plans are thwarted when a new master sergeant turns up in the form of Joan Hogan, who will of course become Bilko's love interest.

They payoff is brilliant.

004: The Horse

Bilko buys a horse with his platoon's money, in the hope of winning a fortune at racing. This leaves him with the small problem of looking after a large animal in the camp, against regulations.

He's evidently in charge of the motor platoon again this week.

There's a lovely moment when Phil Silvers ad-libs with the horse.

Interesting that, in brief scenes, we see Colonel and Mrs Hall sleeping in separate beds. I wonder if, even for a married couple, a double bed scene was considered too risque for 1950s television.

005: AWOL

One of Bilko's platoon has gone AWOL, which presents a problem because he's badly needed for carburretor work. Bilko is sent to bring him home. I very much enjoyed the stereotypical Eastern European excessive hospitality of the miscreant's Hungarian family.

Bit of an odd one. Don't remember seeing this one before.

006: The Boxer

The motor platoon seems to be short of talent for a forthcoming boxing contest - until Bilko finds out that one of his men is an ex champ.

Brilliantly inventive comedy, this. Seriously. Very clever script. Hilarious farce, just bordering on the surreal, brought to life by some delightfully over-the-top performances by the cast.

I think this might be one of the great sitcom half hours of all time.

007: The Hoodlum

Bilko puts his name in for Soldier of the Month, so he can win a three day pass to Tulsa. Needless to say his platoon have to put in the necessary hard work for him to get it.

Meanwhile, a remarkably anti-social "hoodlum" by the name of Parker is transferred to Bilko's care. Bilko's scheme to deal with the situation is even more remarkably elaborate.

Just brilliant.

008: Mardi Gras

When a rather vain and self-regarding local debutante of some repute dismissively turns down an invitation to be the Motor Pool Mardi Gras Queen, Bilko comes up with a plan to teach her a lesson.

Clever.

009: The Eating Contest

Company B gets hammered by Company A in an American football match. Surprisingly there's a huge crowd, considering Company B's team is comprised largely of men from the Fort Baxter motor pool and kitchen. But I think that's only because stock footage is used.

A strapping, tall young man is transferred to Bilko's platoon - Fred Gwynne, later better known as Herman Munster - and it turns out that he's the "eating champion of the US Army". So Bilko decides to pit him in a contest against Company A's "Hog" Henderson, the "best knife and fork man in the division", so he can win their money back.

Hilarious.

010: The Centennial

A new "special service officer" (me neither) arrives at Fort Baxter and he's determined to foster the mens' interest in the arts, instead of gambling. Naturally, Bilko is determined to thwart his plans. He finds an unlikely ally.

Not one of the best so far, but not bad.

I think that this one wouldn't be shown on TV now, because part of Bilko's elaborate plot to overcome the new officer's intentions is to put on a stage show set in the times of the Indian Wars. As well as featuring white men dressed as (and behaving like) caricatures of native Americans, there's the occasional reference to "redskins" and so on. A reminder that this programme was recorded a long time ago; actually the mid-point in time between Geronimo surrendering to the US Army and today.

011: Bivouac

It's the yearly Bivouac exercise, which involves a 20 mile hike with full equipment. Bilko naturally attempts to dodge it by feigning sickness, as he does every year.

Unfortunately for the malingering sergeant, Col Hall has brought in a particularly strict medical officer to examine him.

But Bilko has a new ploy, this time. The scene where Bilko cons the new officer is sheer genius. But the new officer cons him right back.

Bilko's pyjamas have master sergeant stripes on them. A lovely touch.

012: The Singing Contest

It's very cold at Fort Baxter. Bilko enters the platoon in a singing contest in the hope of going to the finals at an army post in Florida, to escape the freezing weather. But things don't go smoothly.

The term "glee club" is used. I had no idea that was such a long-standing tradition. Actually I don't really know what they are.

013: The Twitch

A new officer arrives on post, to help Col Hall put a stop to the enlisted men's incessant gambling, most of it organised by Bilko of course.

The Colonel refuses to allow Bilko to go on leave unless he can persuade his men to attend a lecture on Beethoven.

Bilko's solution to this is highly unusual. I think this is another episode that would probably fail 21st century political correctness expectations.

014: The Reunion

Bilko is granted 10 days' leave. He uses it to attend a reunion with his old war buddies.

Bilko expects his old comrades, whom he remembers as loveable "goof-offs" and no-hopers, to be impressed that he's now a Master Sergeant. But they've all been considerably more successful than he has.

Just a bit uncomfortable, this one. In the best tradition of comedy tinged with melancholy.

There's a brief scene filmed outside the Waldorf Astoria in New York. Had a look on Street View to compare it to the present day. I find old street scenes priceless. The Pan Am building isn't present; construction started a few years after this was filmed.

Good one.

015: The Rich Kid

Fender is a corporal now, I think that's new though no mention is made of his promotion. More importantly his wife has had (yet) another baby, which means that he's had another payout from the platoon's welfare fund, which is now down to 15 cents.

A replacement is drafted in for him while he's on leave with his wife and new child, and it turns out that said replacement is the sole heir to a "$200m automobile fortune".

Bilko's behaviour toward him once he finds out that he's rich is hilarious. Priceless. But it's one of those where the devious Master Sergeant's conscience wins out in the end.

An actress called Jane Dulo plays a brash and opportunistic local girl called Mildred and I must say her comic touch is almost as good as Phil Silvers'.

Very good one.

016: Hollywood

A film producer is making a lurid war film. The Pentagon needs someone who served at the Battle of Kabuchi to go to Hollywood to act as technical advisor. They send for Bilko.

I'd say the Bilko manipulative personality trait is just a little overcooked in this one.

I loved the payoff though, although I saw it coming.

I was only thinking about Sgt Bilko the other day. It used to be repeated regularly on BBC2.

017: The Investigation

A taxpayers' committee is established to investigate waste and extravagance in the military. They visit Fort Baxter, of course.

Bilko sees this as an opportunity to wangle a salary increase.

Obviously the plots are going to be a bit contrived in these, in the best traditions of theatrical farce. But this one stretches credulity a bit too far. It also stretches a single joke far too thin. And the payoff is weak.

Quote from: cygnusxdave on January 17, 2023, 04:19:21 PMI was only thinking about Sgt Bilko the other day. It used to be repeated regularly on BBC2.

There are a few complete episodes on YouTube.

018: Kids in the Trailer

One of Bilko's men has a visit from his wife and kids, so he arranges a three day pass for him. Unfortunately the platoon is only entitled to one three day pass and he's already given it to Doberman. Even worse, after he persuades Doberman to give it away, he ends up having to look after the kids.

It must be pretty hard to get young kids to remember their lines and all that but these ones do very well.

This one has a couple of brief scenes composed of footage shot outdoors, which I think is a first.

Very, very good one.

019: The Revolutionary War

Bilko receives a package from his Aunt Minerva - mementos from his great-great granduncle who, Bilko learns, was on General Washington's staff during the Revolutionary War.

This makes him reassess his finagling, conniving ways, and aspire to be an officer. He comes over a bit Frank Burns.

I vaguely remembered this one. The payoff of course is that Bilko's ancestor - as is revealed in his diaries - turns out to be just as devious and conniving as his 1950s Master Sergeant descendant.

There's a gag about a person called Benedict Arnold that I had to look up. Fascinating story. Would have taken a trip to the library to do that the first time I saw this, probably in the '70s.

Anything to do with the American War of Independence annoys me quite honestly, but despite that - it's a good one.

020: The Transfer

Bilko threatens to leave Fort Baxter to teach Colonel Hall a lesson for "interfering with private enterprise". To his disappointment, the Colonel accepts his transfer request very readily. Unfortunately Bilko's replacement is so painfully, officiously military and GI that he starts to miss Bilko. Meanwhile, Bilko's new comrades at his new post are such easy prey for his schemes that he starts to get bored.

Curiously, Benedict Arnold gets a mention in this one as well! This time I didn't have to look it up.

Peak Bilko, this one. Not too fanciful, clever, very funny.

021: The Rest Cure

Fort Baxter is enduring a heatwave.

Bilko tries to persuade a major from the Pentagon that he and his men have gone a bit doolally from the heat, so they can get a break at an army rehabilitation camp in Colorado, where it's cooler.

The major is Darrin's boss from Bewitched, David White. He looks about 55 here but amazingly, despite the grey hair and double chin he was 39 when this was filmed. I've just read that his son, who would have been born roughly at the time this was filmed, died in the bombing of Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie.

You can see the payoff gag coming a mile off, but it's still very funny.

022: Dinner at Sowici's

Bilko and Hogan - apparently an item now - attend a wedding together, and Bilko starts to worry she wants to marry him.

He decides to take her to dinner at Sgt Sowici's place, so she can witness the horror of an Army marriage for herself.

I well remembered this one for the hellish, incessant nagging of Mrs Sowici and her slob of a husband's total disregard for her point of view, as well as the appalling dishevelment of their domestic arrangements.

Silvers' physical comedy in this one - the body language and facial expressions - is off the scale. Bravo.

Laugh-out-loud brilliant. Pure genius. I actually physically applauded it when the credits came up.

Thank goodness these were recorded onto film and still exist - if the BBC had made The Phil Silvers Show they'd probably have wiped them in the '60s.

023: Army Memoirs

Bilko's various schemes and misconduct have landed his fellow Master Sergeants, whom he has involved in them, in trouble with their superiors. When Bilko is implicated, he finally gets busted down to private.

The story basically concerns Bilko wangling his stripes back. It stretches credulity too far. But there's an amusing payoff and it's not a bad one.

024: Miss America

Bilko is running a Sweetheart of the Platoon contest, featuring photos of the mens' wives and girlfriends pinned to the bulletin board. One of the men in particular has a very good-looking sweetheart.

Bilko decides to enter her in the Miss Kansas finals as "Miss Fort Baxter".

It's one of those overly fanciful ones and of course there's a degree of objectification that feels a bit incongruous in the present day.

025: The Court Martial

Fort Baxter is to be tested as an Army induction centre. Colonel Hall wants to process, uniform and induct 300 recruits into the Army in three hours.

Captain Barker comes up with a process to do the job in two hours.

Unfortunately, one of the new recruits assigned to Bilko has brought a chimpanzee with him and (of course) the chimp gets inducted into the army accidentally. Then court-martialled.

If you know The Phil Silvers Show at all you'll know this one; probably the single best-remembered episode of them all. Brilliant.

Silvers' quick-witted ad-libs with the highly unpredictable member of the cast are sheer genius. The court martial scene where they have to act around the chimp must have been very tense.

026: Furlough In New York

Joan Hogan is planning a furlough to visit friends in New York, and she hasn't told Bilko about it. Simultaneously, Bilko is planning a furlough to New York, and of course he hasn't told Joan about it.

As soon as they get there, they both start telephoning old flames, without any success.

Unusual one in that there's no Bilko scheme or wangle. You can probably guess roughly how it goes; it's a good old-fashioned farce. Made a bit of a change from Fort Baxter. I liked it.

027: The Big Uranium Strike

Bilko learns that there are uranium deposits under Fort Baxter, and cooks up a plan to get rich. Not one of the best, not particularly clever. But decently funny.

Colonel and Mrs Hall are seen to occupy separate beds again, because even married couples couldn't occupy the same bed in a TV show during the '50s. It was literally against the rules.

https://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1042865/an-evolution-of-marriage-on-television/

Gina Lollobrigida gets a mention; she only died last week. Would have been 29 when this was made.

028: Bilko and the Beast

A new, and particularly brutish and antagonistic drill sergeant known as The Beast is transferred to Fort Baxter.

The plot basically concerns Bilko's plan to get rid of him. It doesn't make sense. It has a few funny moments, but this one doesn't quite work.

Quote from: Slim on January 13, 2023, 10:30:28 PM013: The Twitch

A new officer arrives on post, to help Col Hall put a stop to the enlisted men's incessant gambling, most of it organised by Bilko of course.

The Colonel refuses to allow Bilko to go on leave unless he can persuade his men to attend a lecture on Beethoven.

Bilko's solution to this is highly unusual. I think this is another episode that would probably fail 21st century political correctness expectations.

One of my favourites along with the 8 Horse Parley episode where he has a new recruit who says he can predict races using maths (can't remember the name of the episode).

029: The Physical Check Up

Bilko has a hangover and unfortunately, the Colonel wants him and his platoon to take a 20 mile hike. Naturally our favourite Master Sergeant tries to get out of it, and yet - he's disappointed that the Colonel lets him off it without a fight. Then he finds out that he's due to take a medical exam. Is his commanding officer trying to force him out of the Army, for being unfit?

Very funny one.

030: The Recruiting Sergeant

Bilko gets a call from an old comrade with inside information on a hot tip for a horse race. This episode basically concerns Bilko's attempt to place a bet. From the high degree of secrecy and subterfuge involved, not to mention the involvement of the local police later on, I can only assume gambling was illegal in Kansas at the time otherwise the story makes no real sense.

But if so, why would there be horse racing?

Anyway - quite an amusing one but it seems padded out. The jokes are a bit stretched. Could probably be edited down to ten minutes.

031: Hair

Joan has become irritated with Bilko's selfish and inattentive ways, so much so that she's going on a date with someone else. While they're arguing, she makes an indelicate remark about the Master Sergeant's lack of hair.

There's an odd moment where a snippet of speech is badly dubbed on - maybe there was a mic failure when the scene was shot. Or something.

It's a good one, but it's based on a pretty simple gag in which the three other sergeants paste a wig onto Bilko's bald head while he's asleep, then persuade him that his hair restorer treatment has worked a miracle.

Of course, he gets his own back.

032: The Con Men

Doberman receives $500 in compensation from an insurance company, in settlement of an accident he was involved in five years previously.

Unfortunately, he loses it all to con artists on the same day. But they end up playing cards with Bilko.

This, to me, is one of the all time classic Bilko episodes. Before I commenced on this Bilko-thon on January 1st, I hadn't seen any of them for many years. I could probably only have remembered three of them - this one, the one with the chimp and the one where Col Hall plays golf.

Brilliant.

033: War Games

Bilko is supposed to be Best Man at a wedding, but he's late. He's supposed to be restricted to quarters pending a special assignment, and a guard has caught him trying to sneak out of the camp.

Bilko's assignment is to look after a squad of new recruits.

Meanwhile, Fort Baxter is due to take part in war games against the National Guard.

For some reason this one doesn't have the usual Bilko energy. It's not that funny. Odd episode. It doesn't really work. Also - none of Bilko's usual platoon apart from Rocco and Henshaw are in this one.

034: Bilko on Wall Street

Bilko is spending his furlough as a guest of an old army buddy. The Master Sergeant has the impression that his old friend is a Wall Street millionaire with a yacht, but in fact he's a "book keeper" (I assume that's US English for "accountant") on $42 a week, living in modest rented accommodation.

When Bilko finds out that his old friend is being exploited by his pompous and tight-fisted employers, naturally he comes up with a plan to turn the tables. It's risible of course but funny enough and there's a cute twist.

After the disappointment of the previous episode, glad to see the first series bow out on a thoroughly decent instalment.

035: Platoon In The Movies

An officer from 'Army Visual Education' casts Bilko's platoon in a training film on the maintenance of the spark plug. Needless to say this results in abject failure initially, until Bilko comes up with a plan to rescue the project.

Preposterously, off-the-scale implausible but very, very funny. Clever.

Curiously Colonel Hall isn't in this one, neither are the other master sergeants.

And that's the second series off to a banging start. Originally broadcast in September 1956.

Interestingly a different method of filming was used from the second series on. Episodes of the first series were performed like a play, with each scene done in single takes and in order in front of a live audience, so that the actors had learn their lives for the whole thing. For the second and later series, episodes were produced similar to a film with scenes being filmed out of sequence then edited together. The completed episode was then shown to an audience to record the laughter.

036: It's For The Birds

Bilko and his men are watching The $64,000 Question. A sailor wins the big prize, which leads Bilko to the thought that an Army man should have a go. So he looks for someone with expert knowledge on something to represent the platoon, so they can all share the winnings.

It turns out that there's an ornithology expert in the platoon, and it's Corporal Honnegan (aka 'The Stomach' from the eating contest story in the first series, played by Fred 'Herman Munster' Gwynne).

Having said that - although the corporal in question is played by Fred Gwynne, I was doubtful that it's the same character. For one thing he refers to having a large family, and Honnegan only got engaged in the first series. But I checked, and yep it's the same character name.

There's a new mess sergeant - the actor who played Sowici died before the second series was filmed. Ultimately though Sowici will be replaced by Ritzik (Joe Ross), but none of the other regular master sergeants have featured in these first two episodes of the second series. I think the mess sergeant in this one is just a one-off. Colonel Hall isn't in this one again, either. I wonder if Paul Ford had other commitments around this time?

Anyway - a good one.

037: Bilko Goes To College

Bilko and his men are the guests of Schmill University, where they have been asked to provide training on Army vehicle maintenance to students. One of the Deans asks Bilko to provide some army discipline to a young student who has gone astray; a young man who happens to be the son of a millionaire.

Bilko naturally sees an opportunity to make some money at cards, but it's a short-lived hope. The lad has no money of his own and he's already in debt to a gambling syndicate.

It's another Bilko-vs-the-bad guys-while-trying-to-feather-his-own-nest sort of episode.

There's a moment in this one when the audience breaks into spontaneous applause - actually nowhere near the episode's funniest moment. Seems a bit odd but then, this did happen 60-odd years ago. Different world.

Quite a clever one, this one.

None of it takes place on Fort Baxter and there's still no sign of Colonel Hall or the other sergeants.

037: The Girl From Italy

The brief synopsis of this one as featured in Wikipedia's episode guide is "Bilko attempts to make a newly arrived immigrant girl look presentable". Just imagine pitching that as a script idea to the BBC in the present day.

Bilko finagles tickets to My Fair Lady - featuring Julie Andrews, I didn't know she was a thing in the '50s - for himself, Rocco and Henshaw while they're visiting New York. Meanwhile, Rocco learns that his brother has called off his wedding with an Italian girl who's just arrived off a boat, after meeting her for the first time. Apparently arranged marriages were a thing in the Italian immigrant community back then.

The Italian national stereotype is really laid on thick here - Rocco's big momma pleading "she's-a nice-a girl" to his brother, for example and bursting into overwrought tears with all the Italian hand-wringing going on. And there's an elderly Italian gentleman who only ever says "hello Joe!".

But I think the actors used probably are at least Italian American, and (hey) it's a sitcom after all.

Of course they did their best to make the lowly immigrant girl look unsophisticated and peasant-like to start off with, but actually from the moment we see her it's obvious she's a babe - albeit swathed in black peasant dress with pigtails. Then again I suppose I'm a connoisseur.

The whole story is, of course, a sort of affectionate pastiche of My Fair Lady.

Sinatra gets a mention. There's something slightly melancholy, I find, about hearing these references to people who would continue to be household names in the '60s and '70s, from way back when.

Not a bad one.

039: The Face On The Recruiting Poster

We're back at Fort Baxter for the first time in the second series, and a new private (called McLusty) is transferred to Bilko's platoon. It seems that he's transferred around very regularly, because the local WACs always fight over him.

Bilko is sceptical about this until he takes him over to the admin office, where the WACs more or less start a riot as soon as he arrives. And of course the wily Master Sergeant sees an opportunity to make a fortune.

McLusty is played by Eric Fleming who, I've just read, died in a canoe accident ten years after this was filmed. Apparently he's best known for starring alongside Clint Eastwood in Rawhide in the early '60s. Fleming certainly is a good-looking lad, but I think this episode would have worked better if they could have got Clint!

The basic gag that the story pivots around is that Doberman is very ugly. I suppose the PC folks would call that "ugly shaming" or some such nonsense now but truth to tell, I did feel a bit unfomfortable for Maurice Gosfield, who plays the hapless aesthetically compromised private.

Sinatra gets a mention again, so does Perry Como.

The payoff to this one is absolutely belting.

Nice to be back on Fort Baxter with the usual sets, and Colonel Hall is back for the first time in the second series as well.

I recognised one of the Pentagon officers as a familiar face, but couldn't put a name to the face. I looked it up - Tom Poston. Having looked up his list of TV and film credits on Wikipedia I wasn't quite sure why he was familiar. He was in Mork & Mindy, maybe that's it. Or maybe just one of those small part actors that crops up in a lot of things.

040: Bilko's War Against Culture

A Special Services officer is assigned to Fort Baxter, to discourage indiscriminate gambling via the introduction of cultural classes. Exactly the same idea as one of the first series episodes, except that this time, it's a WAC. And something of a hottie - which, as it turns out, will be an important element of the plot.

The basic story is - Bilko outwits her, then when he finds out it's her first assignment and she's upset about it, he's overcome with guilt and accommodates her. Sort of.

Made me sad to think that the lovely young actress who plays the new officer would be an old woman, if she were still alive. But I checked and she died at the age of 93 in 2017. Dina Merrill. Apparently she was also heiress to $250 million. What a catch!

Not a bad one, not a great one.

By the way the young man at the top left in this pic is Pvt "Sugie" Sugarman, played by Terry Carter. Terry is now the only surviving member of the Bilko platoon cast. Pictured below at the Phil Silvers Museum in Coventry in 2020, and looking pretty good for 92.

(https://i.ibb.co/kmSgZqk/bilko-sugie.jpg)

(https://i.ibb.co/d2wJXb5/sugie-pday.jpg)

041: The Song of the Motor Pool

Bilko and his men perform a few vocal numbers at an audition for an Army TV show in New York, without success. The Master Sergeant quickly reaches the conclusion that the motor pool needs its own theme song, so they can have another crack at it and go to New York.

Henshaw suggests a Rock and Roll song; a genre that would have been a few years old at most when this was filmed. And Elvis Presley gets a mention, which reminded me that in one of the later episodes there's a character called Elvin Pelvin who gets transferred to the motor pool, intended as a spoof of Elvis' time in the Army.

Elvis would have been 21 when this was made, less than a year after his first single was released.

Ultimately they go with a tune that Paparelli likes to sing in the shower. Very silly one really but amusing enough. And there's an excellent payoff.

Darrin's boss from Bewitched turns up again.

042: Bilko's Engagement

Bilko finds out that Joan is out at the movies with another sergeant, which brings out his jealous streak in a big way. This leads to an unseemly quarrel, after which he attempts to make it up to her by sending her a gift from a jeweller's. But there's a mix up and she receives an engagement ring by mistake.

How can Ernie get out of it?

There's a surprising timeline issue in that it's claimed in this episode that they've been an item for five years, but they only met in the first series.

Joan has two "maiden aunts"; that's an expression you don't hear a lot these days.

Rocco mentions that Kansas is a "dry state" when Bilko asks him to buy some whiskey. That surprised me somewhat, but it wasn't true. Kansas repealed its prohibition law in 1948.

Average one, but I did laugh out loud a few times.

043: A Mess Sergeant Can't Win

Sgt Ritzik is leaving the army, and he's having a farewell party. Everyone's invited except Bilko, whom he resents for having beaten him at gambling persistently for years.

Ritzik is actually a replacement for Sowici (played by Harry Clark, who sadly died before the second series was filmed). And yet it's implied that he and Bilko have known each other for 15 years. Just a nitpick.

Bilko feels bad about having won so much money off Ritzik over the years so he decides to give it back. And he does attempt to give Ritzik $400, entirely innocently, but his old comrade is too distrustful to accept it. The story is basically about Bilko trying to trick someone into taking money off him, instead of the other way round for a change. And of course in the best traditions of a farce, it goes hilariously wrong.

Ritzik's overbearing (but long-suffering) wife is hilarious.

Good one. I like the ones that combine Bilko's humanity with his tendency to connive.

044: Doberman's Sister

It's Open Weekend at Fort Baxter, when the mens' families are allowed to visit the camp - and an opportunity for them to date each others' sisters, at the dance Bilko has organised.

But of course, nobody wants to date Doberman's sister. Until Bilko manages to convince the platoon that she's a stunner by the application of clever and devious psychology. Then they all do. Somehow, Bilko manages to convince himself that Doberman's sister must be spectacular. And from that moment on, you can guess exactly what happens.

Eartha Kitt gets a mention, so does Marilyn Monroe. Actually there's quite a passable Marilyn lookalike in a scene that's one of Bilko's dreams.

Good one.

045: Where There's A Will

One of Bilko's platoon is leaving the army, and there's an emotional farewell. Oddly, we haven't actually seen him before.

It turns out that the lad is likely to inherit a huge fortune on the death of his rich uncle (I think this is the third, or possibly fourth time this idea has been used). But actually he only inherits $1 and a parrot, because while the lad was in the Army, his devious and greedy relatives managed to turn the rich uncle against him.

Bilko to the rescue (of course).

Here's an odd thing: there's a single out-of-place frame in the video. It's pretty innocuous, just a frame from a scene a few minutes earlier. Editing error, presumably. Probably not a subliminal message.

The character of the cheated young man seems to be based on Stan Laurel, and it's a passable impersonation.

Definitely one of the more fanciful ones. Really very, very implausible, even for Bilko. But enjoyable. All the same, not a great one.

046: Bilko's Tax Trouble

Bilko is being investigated by the Internal Revenue, due to a mix up. He receives a stern letter from the tax office that should have gone to someone else.

And since Bilko has actually cheated the tax man, he naturally thinks they've got him bang to rights. Unfortunately, when he turns up at the tax office to bluster his way out of it, he only draws attention to his own tax affairs and ends up getting investigated legitimately. And this story is about the extraordinary and creative lengths he goes to, to balance the books from his numerous nefarious activities.

I recognised one of the officials at the tax office as Kojak's boss, 'Frank' (Dan Frazer).

047: Mink Incorporated

$100 has gone missing from the platoon fund while Bilko was looking after it, but he's very reluctant to explain what happened. Eventually he admits that he bet it on a horse.

But he comes up with a scheme to make a fortune, by farming mink at the camp. To buy a breeding pair, he proposes to use the remaining $300 in the fund.

The NCO uniforms are different in this one - same shirt, but dark (rather than matching) trousers and cap.

(https://i.ibb.co/MRd3rgJ/buniform.jpg)

Quite a silly one really. Possibly a little too far over the border into surreal. But it's not bad. There's some surprisingly dark humour in it.

048: Sergeant Bilko Presents Ed Sullivan

Bilko auditions as a singer for the annual all-Army edition of the Ed Sullivan Show, without success. This provokes a remarkable episode of self-reflection and humility in Bilko.

But Mr Sullivan himself is keen to have representation from Kansas, so - since the finale features a jeep (really? OK), the producers send for the Motor Pool sergeant from Fort Baxter - which of course snaps him out of his uncharacteristic humility in an instant. It's a hilarious moment.

Ed Sullivan plays himself of course and he does turn in a natural performance. Partly.

It's a bit like the one where Bilko takes over the production of a war film, in the first series. I think he can be a bit too manipulative to be funny, sometimes. I think he overdoes the chutzpah in this one.

David Niven gets a mention. Julie Andrews gets a brief mention again. Odd to think of her being well known, years before The Sound Of Music and Mary Poppins. And in a similar way it's interesting to know that Ed Sullivan was clearly a household name, seven years before the Fab Four appeared on his show at the very onset of Beatlemania - an event to which, to many, The Sullivan Show is synonymous.

Interesting one. Overall I'm not convinced but there are some real laugh-out-loud moments toward the end after Bilko and Sullivan lock antlers.

049: Bilko Gets Some Sleep

Joan's mad at Bilko after she finds out that he's been playing poker all night, despite having told her that he couldn't see her because he was upset that his Uncle Felix had died. And when Colonel Hall is denied the use of his jeep yet again because Bilko has it (on the pretext that it's undergoing a service), he forbids the Master Sergeant to use any military vehicle until his paperwork is up to date.

Then when his poker victims are all otherwise engaged, Bilko finds himself with nothing to do late at night but listen to his conscience.

Bilko's conscience is played by an actor we've seen in a few episodes before when a Bilko lookalike was called for, and I don't think this works particularly well. For one thing, his conscience doesn't particularly look like him, apart from being follically challenged and wearing specs. Shortly afterward, his ego turns up as well.

(https://i.ibb.co/vh4vvqM/bilko-conscience.jpg)

Their conversation troubles Bilko so much that he decides to talk to the camp psychiatrist. His babbling, hyperactive monologue in his office is extraordinary. What a force of nature Phil Silvers was. I don't even see how he could have memorised it. Perhaps there were some cues written on a card on the set, but he must have ad-libbed some of it. It gets a round of applause.

The psychiatrist's advice is for Bilko to start behaving like a normal master sergeant. He comes over all dedicated and conscientious, which of course only makes everyone he knows suspicious to the point of paranoia.

Very good one. Clever.

050: The Blue Blood of Bilko

The son of one of Bilko's fellow sergeants is getting married into one of the wealthiest families in America.

When the lad's painfully snobby in-laws-to-be find out that their prospective son-in-law is the son of a humble non-commissioned officer in the Army - after commissioning a report on his background, no less - they are scandalised and insist that his dad can't come to the wedding.

Bilko poses as an intelligence officer to convince them - by generally being high-handed, officious and condescending - that the lad's father is secretly a critically important military figure.

Kind of a rerun of the one in which Bilko gets an old friend a salary increase at the Wall Street firm he works for.

It's a bit too silly really, although I did like the payoff.

051: Love That Guardhouse

Bilko cleans up at poker again, in an opening scene that establishes Ritzik as the worst gambler in the world. But why do any of the other sergeants play poker with Bilko when he always wins?

Unfortunately, Ritzik can't seem to help himself. After another unfortunate night of losing money to Bilko, he goes AWOL to Las Vegas to have a go at Roulette.

He wins $1750, which I think would have been more than a master sergeant's yearly salary in 1957.

There are some wonderful moments when the other sergeants are covering up for his absence. Pure farce. Colonek Hall does his best to protect Ritzik, who's convinced his luck has changed, from losing all his winnings to Bilko when he returns. He does this by putting Ritzik in the guardhouse.

One of the other master sergeants is new, a large black man. But I don't remember him so I don't think he can have played the part regularly.

Very good one.

052: Sergeant Bilko Presents Bing Crosby

Bilko is organising another dance, but no-one is particulary interested in buying tickets. Except for Colonel Hall's wife. I love the way she laps up Bilko's gratuitous and very obviously insincere flattery.

Unfortunately the Colonel himself isnt quite so keen, and he withdraws permission for Bilko to use the rec hall, whatever that is - thereby bringing the Bilko social season to a grinding halt, as Henshaw shrewdly observes.

Henshaw suggests finding a big-name attraction to come to the camp, to entertain the men. Bilko finds out that Bing Crosby will be passing through Kansas on his way to Hollywood, and a plan is hatched. He manages to persuade Bing to visit Fort Baxter.

The WACs in Admin go a bit unhinged when they find out that Bing is coming. I guess he must have been quite the heart-throb back in the day. Then again, the Colonel's reaction is similar.

Delightfully, yer actual Bing does appear as himself in the last couple of minutes. This would have been made about two years after the White Christmas film.

Not a bad one, one of the very few that I have no memory of having seen.

053: Bilko Goes to Monte Carlo

After five sleepless nights of intense study and experimentation, Bilko has come up with a mathematical system to beat the Roulette wheel. An elementary understanding of probability theory and the principles involved would tell you that this is categorically impossible, but hey.

His friends and comrades rush to cash in their savings bonds or borrow from their friends and family to invest in Bilko's project so he can make a fortune in Las Vegas. But the Colonel forbids him to go there, so he goes to Monte Carlo instead. he hitches a ride with the air force.

Frank from Kojak turns up again, this time as a pilot.

Interesting one. I liked it.

054: Bilko Enters Politics

Bilko tries to persuade the local mayor to build a serviceman's club, with the intention of making money out of it of course. But the local mayor is not remotely interested.

Fortunately there's an election coming up. Usually the mayor runs uncontested, so Bilko has the idea of running one of the platoon against him - just to pressure him into making a deal over the club.

I loved this exchange :

Henshaw: "How about Paparelli?"
Bilko: "Paparelli? I don't think he's a citizen. I think we captured him in Italy, he's just sorta tagged along"

Bilko settles on Doberman.

There's a running joke in this one about a middle-aged woman who's affronted that she was wolf-whistled at by a soldier. It gets a big laugh in 1957, because it's an overreaction to something harmless and trivial. But in 2023 I believe that's a misogynist hate crime, now.

Feels like a little movie, this one. Should have made it into a feature film.

055: Bilko's Television Idea

The agents of a failing TV comic called Buddy Bickford decide to put him in a sitcom about the Army. To help him ease into his new character, they arrange for him to stay at Fort Baxter for a week.

Naturally, Bilko sees an opportunity to make some money.

Buddy is played by an actor named Danny Dayton, who played much the same character - a tediously zany comedian who isn't particularly funny - in an episode of M*A*S*H, about twenty-five years later (but also set in the '50s, of course). As you can see, Colonel Hall is more impressed than Major Winchester.

(https://i.ibb.co/F8qqmKx/dayton01.jpg)

(https://i.ibb.co/41ZCM6j/dayton02.jpg)

There's a nice moment near the end where the script gently nudges the fourth wall.

Bilko at his most cynically devious and manipulative. Loved it. I remember this one very well, I think I watched it in the '80s some time.

056: The Son of Bilko

Bilko's in New York with Rocco and Henshaw, but unlike his two corporals - he doesn't have a date. Then he runs into an old friend who gives him the phone number of a mutual female friend, who's been trying to get in touch with him.

He goes to see her, but she's married. So why's she keen to see him? Well, her 17 year old son wants to join the Army. Bilko takes a shine to him; perhaps the son he never had.

On his return, he finds that an awkward and introverted 18 year old has been transferred to the Motor Pool platoon. Bilko's brief experience as a father figure leads him to take the lad under his wing. Unfortunately, the young man's propensity for practical jokes makes him rather unpopular, eventually even with Bilko.

Clever one this, but with some surprisingly dark humour. I don't remember ever seeing this one, and I wonder if it was never shown on the BBC back in the day.

Very good one this, even if I saw the final payoff coming a mile off.

057: Rock 'n' Roll Rookie

Rock'n'Roll star Elvin Pelvin is drafted into the Army, which presents the Pentagon with a problem - a screaming mob of fans follows him around wherever he goes.

But maybe they can find a small, backwater Army camp where his legion of fanatics won't find him and the locals probably haven't heard of him? Yep - Fort Baxter - and of course, he gets put into Bilko's platoon, much to Colonel Hall's dismay.

Elvin is of course the Bilko Universe equivalent of Elvis Presley, and a pedantic person might find this problematic, because Elvis himself has already been mentioned in a few episodes.

Naturally Bilko sees an opportunity to make a fortune.

The lad who plays Elvin is not a bad likeness for the King of Rock'n'Roll. Not brilliant, but not bad.

I remember this one well and had always thought it was based on Elvis being drafted, but it was broadcast a year before that happened. Quite prescient.

Frank from Kojak appears again, this time as an Army officer.

I imagine Elvis was probably seen as a passing fad when this was made. Perhaps Rock'n'Roll was, as well.

058: Bilko's Black Magic

A young GI who was left behind by accident on a deserted island during the war and has been living on coconuts and fish ever since, is brought to Fort Baxter after being discovered by a Japanese fishing boat - to help rehabilitate him into Army life.

Bilko is very reluctant to take him into the motor pool. Until he finds out that his new private has just received a fortune in back pay. It's yet another episode in which Bilko tries to separate a wealthy unfortunate from his money. Is it? No, it's one of those stories in which the conniving Master Sergeant uses his talents to help someone else get even.

Frank from Kojak is back yet again, playing his fourth different character. This time it's another army officer.

We see Sergeant and Mrs Ritzik in bed in this one, and once again the strict 1950s TV convention mandating separate beds is observed.

It really stretches credulity, this one. But it's very funny.

059: Bilko Goes South

Kansas is undergoing a spell of freezing weather, so naturally Bilko tries to wangle a trip to southern, warmer climes.

Curiously, his first idea is to enter the platoon in a singing contest, which reuses an idea from an earlier episode in the same series (041, The Song of the Motor Pool).

But that's not what happens. Bilko gets hold of the wrong form, doesn't bother to read it, and unwittingly signs up his platoon to make a noble sacrifice as guinea pigs in research for a deadly tropical disease, which they are not expected to survive.

There's a thoroughly ridiculous scene in which Bilko orders some exotic food and champagne from room service and it arrives (I counted) 18 seconds later. But in the context of a farce, it works.

This one is peak Bilko. Pure genius.

060: Bilko Goes Around the World

A bit of an odd start to this one. Some of the boys in the platoon attempt to persuade Doberman that he looks like David Niven, having just returned from a cinema screening of Around the World in 80 Days (which came out in 1956). Then Bilko begs a USAF sergeant friend to get him a free ride to San Francisco, so he can meet a voluptuous blonde telephone operator of his acquaintance.

But the route the USAF sergeant comes up with is so convoluted that Bilko comes up with a better plan - to try to make some money from travelling around the world in 80 hours.

Michael Todd, who produced Around The World in 80 Days and is persuaded by Bilko to offer $20,000 as a cash prize for the feat, is played by himself. He was about to marry Liz Taylor when this was made (her third husband; she was 24). Sadly he died about a year later in a private plane accident.

Bizarrely, his charred remains were stolen from his grave in 1977.

One of those ones where Bilko's plans go farcically awry. Not a bad one.

061: The Mess Hall Mess

Ritzik's culinary inventions don't go down too well with the troops in the mess hall. It turns out that he's experimenting with their food to win $50,000 in a contest to come up with "the best new American original American recipe".

I love the little gags in these scripts, the subtle touches. When the three master sergeants decided to eat out rather than suffer Ritzik's creation, the restaurant hostess welcomes them with "bonsoir messieurs". Ritzik mutters "I thought so, a Greek joint".

The food they order arrives in about 30 seconds, rather like the room service in the previous episode. But you've got to cut a half-hour sitcom a bit of slack.

Predictably, the food there turns out to be magnificent - so Bilko hatches a plan to win yet another contest with a large cash prize. The Phil Silvers Show can be a tad formulaic, but the writers managed to squeeze something different out of every episode.

Very good, definitely above average.

062: The Secret Life of Sergeant Bilko

A New York newspaper starts printing phony stories about lax Army security. The dodgy journalist responsible decides to visit an obscure Army camp town in the midwest to see if he can get a soldier or two to spill the odd secret with some judicious largesse.

But Paparelli recognises him straight away. Bilko decides to take advantage, while getting a bit of revenge at the same time.

There's a delightful moment where Fender stumbles over a line and Silvers recovers brilliantly with an ad-lib. I think that's what happens. Might just be scripted.

The snoopy reporter is delightfully unpleasant, but preposterously naive.

A bit different, this one. Superb.

I took a stash of episodes on holiday with me on a phone, so my Bilkothon continued unabated, one episode per day. So:

063: Radio Station B.I.L.K.O

The local radio station is closing down, so Bilko decides to open one at Fort Baxter, in the hope of raising some advertising revenue. Grover is naturally reluctant to allow the signal corps radio equipment to be used for this but soon comes round when he's offered a role as the station's singing Irish tenor.

For a while it looks like this is going to be a pretty ordinary farce based on Bilko trying to keep his unmilitary activities secret during a general's inspection, but a clever plot idea involving Colonel and Mrs Hall elevates it to something special.


064: Bilko the Marriage Broker

A particularly military and strict company commander arrives to take control of the motor pool platoon, and he's unhappy with their lax attitude to discipline and hard work.

Before long he has Bilko and his men doing rigorous morning exercises, hikes, drills and other strenuous activities.

Bilko applies some Freudian analysis and decides that the new lieutenant needs a girlfriend. His attempts to fix him up with a new female lieutenant descend into glorious farce.

Very good one; for once not based on a scheme to make money.


065: Bilko Acres

Bilko's convinced that the swampland just outside Fort Baxter will be worth a fortune once the Army tries to buy it to extend the camp. So he buys it with the platoon's money first, expecting to make a killing.

Unfortunately the Army has no intention of doing that, so Bilko is left with a worthless expanse of waste ground. This story is about Bilko's imaginative ruse to sell it at a profit. There's a clever plot twist that leads to a very funny payoff.


066: The Big Scandal

A hypnotist comes to entertain the troops at Fort Baxter. Bilko's so impressed that he decides to try it for himself, in the hope (of course) of winning some cash by making bets on the outcome of his efforts.

The results though are mixed. He completely fails to hypnotise Ritzik, but what nobody notices is that Doberman, obviously paying too close attention while looking on, completely falls under Bilko's spell. The unfortunate consequence of this is that the hapless private believes himself to be hopelessly in love with the colonel's wife.

The situation descends into absolutely glorious farce after Bilko intercepts one of Doberman's calls to Mrs Hall, and - not knowing the identity of the mystery caller, intervenes to attempt to save his commanding officer's marriage.

(https://i.ibb.co/C5L48GF/stacked-susie.jpg)

There's also a hilarious subplot about a lovestruck medical officer, and a delightful character known as "Stacked Susie" makes a very welcome appearance. I watched this episode on an Android phone in a cruise ship cabin and quite honestly, I was tempted to sneak the phone into the bathroom and knock one out. It's a bit sobering to think that she'd be about 100 if she were still alive.

I'm not kidding, this is a comedy masterpiece.


067: Bilko's Perfect Day

Opens with a mystical, echoing voice from the heavens explaining that everyone gets one lucky day, and today it's the turn of Master Sergeant Ernest Bilko.

Absolutely everything goes right for Bilko from the moment he gets up. His shower runs hot when everyone else's is cold. He can't lose at cards. His every wish is granted. He gets off the hook for damaging the Colonel's car by a fantastically improbable turn of circumstances and he cannot fail to win when he makes a bet. Unfortunately, capitalising on his supernatural good fortune is not so straightforward.

Danny Dayton from Bilko's Television Idea appears again in this one.


068: The Colonel Breaks Par

It's that time of year when the Colonel vacations, and as he does every year, Bilko intends to turn the camp into a sort of "fun land" while the boss is away.  Crap games, poker, a hay ride and even a cock fight (!) are planned.

Disastrously though, it turns out that the Colonel intends to vacation in the winter instead. But Bilko has already ordered the catering and made all the plans. How to rescue the situation?

He comes up with an idea to persuade the old boy to take part in an officer's golf tournament to get him away from Fort Baxter, by means of an elaborate scheme involving Sam Snead, who (it turns out) is an old army buddy of Bilko's.

I've always remembered this episode as one of the three or four Phil Silvers Show classics. Actually it's a good one but not brilliant. Mostly memorable for the hilarious scene where the Colonel attempts a putt and the ball plops into the hole like a guided missile with the help of a powerful magnet.

It does somewhat beggar belief though, doesn''t it, that all the other officers would turn a blind eye to Bilko turning Fort Baxter into a sort of Kansas Las Vegas, while the commanding officers is off the post?

I looked up Sam Snead; he was one of the best golfers in the world for decades. Died in 2002 at the age of 89. He was actually in the navy, not the army.


069: Show Segments

This one is the late '50s version of DVD extras, featuring several scenes cut from previous episodes glued together by a script in which Phil Silvers and some of the other actors appear as themselves, sitting at a diner in a break between rehearsals, talking about the scenes that fell victim to the editor's knife. Ed Sullivan also makes an appearance, again as himself.

Curiously, the actors who play Henshaw and Rocco, here appearing as themselves of course, address Silvers as "Sarge".

It's not great, but DVD extras never are, are they?


070: His Highness Doberman

This one is a rerun of a formula used in several previous episodes. Doberman falls for a posh society girl, but her parents are terrible snobs and won't have her seeing a soldier. So Bilko poses as a foreign aristocrat to convince them, largely by being similarly condescending, that Doberman is actually foreign royalty. Not bad. And that one, as it turns out, is the last one in the third series.

071: Bilko's Merry Widow

The nearby Women's Club is offering $500 for the first producer to bring a professional theatre company to Roseville - part of their "fight to bring culture" to the town.

Meanwhile, Bilko has blown the platoon welfare fund on the horses again. But he notices the advert for the $500 in the local paper, so he decides to put on The Merry Widow.

It's another vehicle for Phil Silvers to impersonate an eccentric foreigner; in this case a theatre producer. Where all the elaborate costumes for these initiatives come from is never explained.

I must say Bilko goes to a lot of trouble to get hold of the $500, but I suppose it was worth a lot more back then. While I can appreciate the talent that goes into the theatrical scenes, it's all a bit too far removed from the basic Bilko idea for me.

Interestingly the audio quality in this one is a bit different; a bit distant. The audience laughter is a bit more uproarious, as well. I think this must be the point at which they stopped filming in front of live audiences.

Quote from: Slim on March 12, 2023, 07:11:18 PM(https://i.ibb.co/C5L48GF/stacked-susie.jpg)

There's also a hilarious subplot about a lovestruck medical officer, and a delightful character known as "Stacked Susie" makes a very welcome appearance.

I've just read that "Stacked Susie" was played by Julie Newmar, who went on to play Catwoman in the TV Batman eight or nine years later. And actually she's still alive and only 89.

(https://i.ibb.co/52PhWq0/Julie-Newmar-Catwoman.jpg)

072: Bilko's Boy's Town

The men of Fort Baxter are going on desert manouevres. Normally Bilko feigns illness to get out of this sort of thing - but to Colonel Hall's astonishment, he doesn't this time. Why? Because this time said manouevres will take them in the rough direction of Las Vegas.

But when the old boy works out what the crafty master sergeant is up to, he assigns the motor pool platoon to stay behind and guard the camp.

Bilko isn't slow to find the silver lining of course, and he decides to open a lucrative Boy's Camp at Fort Baxter while the rest of the camp is away.

Once again the audio quality is poor, making the show seem a bit more dated than usual. Of course it is 66 years old now.

It's not a particularly good one. It does have a funny payoff. But so far I'm not too impressed with the third series. Still, only two episodes in eh?

073: Hillbilly Whiz

The motor platoon gets hammered at baseball by the WACs, which greatly disappoints their master sergeant - mainly because he has $50 riding on their next game.

But while the men are out on the rifle range, Bilko is introduced to the newest member of his platoon - a rather slow-witted individual by the name of Hank Lumpkin. Hank, played by none other than a young Dick Van Dyke, turns out to be a whizz at throwing rocks - a talent learned from hunting squirrels. Could his talents be put to use with a baseball?

Young Dick's comic touch is delightful here - his hillbilly accent and gormless manner is absolutely spot on, and it's no wonder that he went on to become a household name in his own right.

There's a scene toward the end in which a number of famous '50s baseball players appear. I'm sure that would have been lost on me when I first saw this in the '70s or '80s, but this time I googled the names.

I've always remembered a Phil Silvers Show episode with Dick Van Dyke as being one of the classics, but it's not this one. He must have been in two of them, playing different characters.

Southern US culture takes a bit of a hammering in this one. There's a hilarious line when Hank's girlfriend complains that her family are upset about her being "sixteen years old and not married off yet".

There's another uniform anomaly in this one. The various NCOs are wearing dark caps again, but this time with the light trousers.

Honestly I didn't think this one was that funny except for the scene where we discover Hank's rock-throwing prowess, but there is at least a clever payoff.

074: Bilko's Valentine

It's Valentine's Day, and much to Joanie's distress, Bilko has forgotten about it again.

I must admit I was slightly surprised to find that Bilko and Joanie are still an item, as there have been one or two episodes since her last appearance in which the conniving master sergeant has attempted to date other women.

But Joanie's so annoyed by Bilko's inattentiveness that she lets him think she's leaving the army. Her departure bothers him more than he expects.

Naturally, there follows a cunning plan to win her back.

Not going to say this is a return to form. Actually it's slow, and not terribly funny or clever. But I did like it more than the previous three third series episodes. And it does have a lot of '50s period charm.

075: The Big Man Hunt

A diamond miner becomes a millionaire after finding priceless specimens in South Africa, and sets about finding the fellow soldier who saved his life during the war, so he can make him rich - and (of course) the lucky beneficiary is remembered as none other than Sergeant Ernie Bilko (a bit of a consistency problem there, since we've already established in a previous episode that Bilko was a private during the war but hey).

Meanwhile, Bilko is desperate to raise $100 so he can take part in a poker tournament in Topeka. But when he finds out that two private detectives are looking for him, he fears the worst and does everything he can to evade them.

Actually a pretty good one, my favourite of the third series so far.

076: Bilko's Double Life

Bilko's in trouble with his various creditors, to the extent that he needs to go into hiding.

Meanwhile it turns out that he has a double - an exact likeness, in the form of a slightly effete multi-millionaire who lives in New York, called Herbert. Herbert's a little stressed, so he's going to take a vacation in Kansas - to a little town called Roseville. What were the chances??

Meanwhile, Bilko's off to New York at exactly the same time. What, er, were the chances??

You can pretty much guess how this one goes. Bilko and his lookalike have very different experiences. And yet - they end up solving each other's problems.

Very clever, very funny.

077: Sgt Bilko Presents

The motor pool platoon has a new recruit who's written a play that's opening in Roseville. Bilko scents an opportunity to exploit the lad's talent to make a bit of money as a theatrical producer.

It's not a great one, but it's not bad.

I googled the actor who played the young playwright, Gordon Polk. Sadly he died three years later at the age of 37, during heart surgery. He appeared with Steve McQueen in a film called Wanted: Dead or Alive about a year after this Phil Silvers Show episode was made.

078: Papa Bilko

Opens with a charming flashback to Normandy in 1944, showing Bilko being generous and friendly to a French family there. On occasion, for flashbacks to the war in previous episodes we've seen Bilko sporing a full head of hair, but here he's shown, more realistically, with thinning and receding hairline.

Actually I googled images of Phil Silvers from the '40s, and I think he may have been wearing a hairpiece in real life.

Anyway .. back in the present-day late '50s, a handsome young private by the name of Pearly is very popular at Fort Baxter due to his natural winning way with women. Bilko is anxious to have him transferred to the motor pool platoon, in the hope of gaining access to the same social circles, or at the very least having a crack at some of the cast-offs.

And when Bilko manages this, he has Pearly provide lessons in attracting the fairer sex.

Meanwhile, the little girl from the French family turns up to see "Papa Bilko" at Fort Baxter and she's a rather attractive young woman now. The master sergeant becomes hilariously over-protective.

An unusually original idea, for once not revolving around a money-making scheme. Pretty good one. I think you could even call it a rom-com. Of sorts.

I recognised Pearly immediately - not someone I could have put a name to, or even another film or TV part, but Google tells me he's Robert Webber, who appeared with Henry Fonda in Twelve Angry Men the same year. Later, he was in The Dirty Dozen and Private Benjamin.

079 Bilko Talks In His Sleep

Bilko smooth-talks one of the waitresses at the local diner into a date at the most expensive restaurant in town (poor Joanie, eh?) but he's broke.

How to raise the necessary cash? Clearly there's a way to con it out of the men of the motor pool. But it turns out that Bilko talks in his sleep, which - unfortunately - allows Grover and Ritzik to cash in on his devious little secrets.

The manner in which he gets his own back stretches credulity way past breaking point, but it's pretty funny, especially with the wry little twist at the end.

I liked this one a lot.

080: Cherokee Ernie

The motor platoon men are going on furlough. But when they come to collect the money they've saved for the trip from the welfare fund, Bilko is somewhat reluctant to hand it over. It transpires, eventually, that he's lost it on the horses again.

Quite why Bilko's men are still willing to trust him to look after their cash is a bit of a mystery, but as with all Phil Silvers Show episodes - you've got to cut it a bit of slack.

A young corporal named White Eagle who's a Native American tells Bilko about a lucrative poker game. "For a guy who's got a pack of cards, it's a paradise", he says.

There's some entertaining dialogue here about "the bond between the red man and the white man", and the young Native American uses the term "honest injun" to reinforce the veracity of one of his remarks.

I wonder if perhaps those are the sort of script touches we wouldn't see in a 21st century sitcom. Bilko even does an impromptu Red Indian dance, complete with the whoop with hand over mouth. It must be said though that the Native American characters are all shown in a positive light, as normal, modern Americans - apart from the elderly members of the family, who look like rejects out of a Western.

Bilko manages to demonstrate that Oklahoma is still legally owned by the Cherokees and becomes the central figure in a national news story. You could argue that this is one of those episodes that goes a little too far.

The term "Native American" is not actually used in this episode; the term "Indian" is used very freely.

David White, who played Darren's boss in Bewitched is back in this one. Interesting how the same bit part players often keep coming back as different characters.

081: Bilko Buys a Club

Bilko wants to buy some land to open a nightclub. Meanwhile, a number of National Guardsmen are coming to Fort Baxter for two weeks, and Bilko sees an opportunity to make some money out of them. Especially when one of them turns out to be a millionaire (yep, we've had this plot idea before).

But Bilko doesn't know which one, and this story is basically a farce based on mistaken identity.

Average, but I liked it.

082: Lieutenant Bilko

Bilko's finally leaving the Army; it's his last day. His men urge him to stay but he's determined to leave.

But it turns out that Bilko received a temporary commission to Lieutenant during the war, and by an administrative error, it was never cancelled.

He's been Lieutenant Bilko the whole time. And of course his first thought on finding this out is to calculate the back pay that he's missed - $60 a month (!) since 1943!

The plot takes a bizarre twist with Lt Bilko being assigned to a mission to go 30 miles up in a balloon, wearing a pressure suit.

This episode was of course filmed a couple of years before Gagarin became the first man in space and it's implied that Bilko would become the first human being in the ionosphere. Why the unfit head of the motor pool at an anonymous camp in Kansas might be chosen for this duty is not explained. It doesn't actually happen. But more importantly it just has nothing to offer to the plot.

It's not without its amusing moments but it's a bafflingly odd one.

083: Bilko at Bay

Bilko's off to New York with Rocco and Ernshaw (Again? Really? Maybe it has something to do that the show was filmed there) and he has a hot date.

They go there by car, stopping off for free meals with various relatives of the motor pool platoon along the way.

But when they stop off at the Doberman residence - a guest house, apparently - they find two fugitive bank robbers hiding out there, posing as fishermen.

Similar to the old Steptoe & Son episode The Desperate Hours. I wonder if this old Phil Silvers Show story was an influence?

Either way, it's very good. Possibly brilliant. Another departure from the usual Bilko-tries-to-get-rich formula.

One of the bank robbers is played by the same actor who played a disreputable reporter earlier in a second series episode.

084: Bilko F.O.B. Detroit

Bilko has to go to Detroit to pick up some new trucks, and the Colonel's a little worried that he might stay away from the camp a little longer than necessary - like he did the previous time.

Naturally, as soon as Bilko and his men arrive in the Motor City, the wily master sergeant looks for an excuse to stay as long as possible. But to make sure their stay is as comfortable as possible, Bilko has to resort to some devious manipulation.

It's another bizarre one, revolving around Bilko's idea to persuade the truck manufacturer to sell basic training kits to the US Army.

There are of course some serviceable gags, but it doesn't really work.

What does F.O.B stand for? I don't know.

085: Bilko and the Flying Saucers

Frank from Kojak is back, this time playing a sergeant in the US Army. The episode opens with him reminiscing about Bilko with a club singer who remembers him from the war, where they both served (she was in the USO) in the South Pacific.

Interesting that most of Bilko's WW2 backstory refers to the Far Eastern theatre, though we do see him serving in Normandy one one occasion. Whether anyone in the US Army (very senior officers notwithstanding) did serve in both the Far East and Europe, I'm not sure.

Anyway .. said club singer (an attractive blonde woman) gives Bilko a call out of the blue, which presents him with an urgent need to go and visit her in Washington at the weekend.

An order for UFO sightings to be reported to the Pentagon gives him the opportunity he needs. The '50s were, of course, the decade of the Flying Saucer - and the golden age of science fiction. There's even a subtle reference in this story to the classic 1951 film The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Not a bad one, especially funny in the way Bilko dupes Ritzik into his Flying Saucer story to get him to corroborate it.

086: Bilko and the Colonel's Secretary

Colonel Hall's secretary has been posted elsewhere, which presents Bilko with a problem. He needs to make sure the new one will be similarly pliable in helping him get round the Colonel, and keeping the motor pool platoon out of duties they don't want.

Unfortunately, when she finds out that Bilko wangled her transfer to Fort Baxter, she becomes profoundly uncooperative - because she didn't want to be transferred away from her previous post (and boyfriend). Bilko and his men find themselves lumbered with the worst possible work details on the camp.

It's a formula we've seen a few times in the past - Bilko conniving to get rid of an awkward officer (or an officer's secretary in this case). But it works. It's not a great one but it's OK. I must say though, Bilko's final act of manipulation, after his first attempt fails, is inspired.

Ronald Colman, the Hollywood actor who started his career in silent films, gets a mention in this one. He died a few months after this was first shown.

087: Doberman the Crooner

When Bilko discovers that someone on the camp has a wonderful singing voice, he naturally sees an opportunity to make a lot of money.

But who is it? After a few rounds of delightful mistaken identity farce, we find out that it's Doberman.

But he only sings well when he has a cold.

It's a good one, but it peaks early.

088: Bilko Presents Kay Kendall

The English acress and comedienne Kay Kendall is coming to Roseville, as part of a promotional tour for her new movie.

Meanwhile, Bilko is putting on a music festival with "daring folk dancers" (WACs in risque costumes) at Fort Baxter. But when Colonel Hall sees a dress rehearsal and refuses to allow it on the camp, he's forced to attempt to persuade a theatre in the town to put on his show.

But when the devious master sergeant runs into Ms Kendall at a hotel in Roseville, he decides to persuade her to participate in his theatrical plans. Initially he attempts this by impersonating a stereotypical upper class Englishman. Beyond hilarious.

Kay Kendall, who of course plays herself in this, was a bona fide movie star. She's off-the-scale charismatic and has a wonderful comic touch here. You may well be wondering why then, like me, you hadn't heard of her. And that's because she died at the age of 32 in 1959, from myeloid leukemia. I have no doubt that she'd have had a notable career into the '70s and '80s and would have been a household name to this day if she'd lived.

Frank from Kojak is back again, this time playing a press agent. I think he must hold the record for the number of different Phil Silvers Show characters.

Interestingly this one was co-written by Neil Simon, later of The Odd Couple fame.

089: Bilko's Cousin

Bilko's cousin, a young man called Swifty, is joining the army and as luck would have it, his first posting is Fort Baxter.

This is for me one of the all-time great Phil Silvers Show episodes. I've remembered it well since I first saw it in the '70s.

Despite having played a different (but similar) character earlier in the same series, Dick Van Dyke is back to play Swifty.

Bilko is delighted at the news that Swifty is coming to Fort Baxter, assuming that he'll have a similarly devious and cunning partner for his dubious enterprises. Imagine the poor master sergeant's disappointment when young Swiffington Bilko turns out to be a likeable but gormless hillbilly.

Given that Dick Van Dyke played a likeable but gormless hillbilly in the last show he was in, perhaps he was fortunate not to end up typecast! But he does it beautifully well. His timing and comic airhead manner are impeccable. It's easy to understand why he became a star in his own right. And he absolutely elevates this episode to timeless classic status.

090: Bilko's Pigeons

An order comes through from the Pentagon that carrier pigeon training and breeding is to be discontinued. This is bad news for Bilko especially, as - under the pretence of looking after the camp's pigeons - he's actually been running a pigeon racing betting business.

On the bright side, the pigeons turn out to be valuable birds.

It's based on a gag about Bilko repeatedly selling the same homing pigeons. Nothing if not predictable, but I did enjoy watching the wily master sergeant outsmarting Ritzik. Also there's a particularly funny scene where Grover and Ritzik get one over on him. This turns out in the end to be a very good one.

091: Cyrano de Bilko

One of Bilko's men, a shy but likeable sort of chap called Harold whom we haven't seen before, falls for a local girl called Natalie. Bilko helps him organise a date with her.

Unfortunately, the poor lad doesn't make a good impression. So Bilko writes her a love letter for him (hence the Cyrano reference in the title).

I must say, Natalie is an absolute babe. It's troubling to see these beautiful women from the late '50s, then to think that they're either dead or very old now.

I loved this one. It's a very clever farce based on the old mistaken identity schtick. Equally interestingly, Bilko's devious cunning and guile is spent here entirely in the pursuit of defending one of his men against what he sees as a threat of being duped, then trying to get himself out of the mess he finds himself in. Not trying to line his own pockets.

This third series definitely hasn't been as consistent as the first two, but it's heartening to see that there are a few belters and this is the third in a row.

(https://i.ibb.co/wK6SMzs/bilkonat.jpg)

Funnily enough Lee Meriwether, who plays Natalie here, went on to play Catwoman in the film version of Batman in 1966. Keen readers (is anyone actually reading these?) may recall that the last Bilko babe who prompted some Google research on my part - Julie Newmar, aka "Stacked Susie" - also played Catwoman (but in the TV series).

Lee also appeared in The Time Tunnel and Star Trek in the '60s. She's 87 and still with us, happily.

092: The Colonel's Reunion

Colonel Hall orders an operation to bring Bilko's gambling activities to a halt. He intends a "scorched earth" policy - all of Bilko's cards, roulette wheels, dice and so on are to be confiscated and burned.

The colonel's persistence proves very effective, and his MPs manage to find and close down all of Bilko's sneaky gambling hiding places.

When Bilko finds out about an officer's reunion being organised for the colonel's old regiment, he naturally assumes he'll be able to resume his nefarious activities with the old boy off the post. Until he also finds out that Hall hasn't been invited. The retired general responsible for arranging the reunion is a snob who doesn't want the tone to be lowered by the presence of a mere colonel.

Bilko fixes that, of course.

Once again this episode reuses an old theme - the disrespectful, rude snob who gets their come-uppance at Bilko's hands. Actually it's pretty much a rerun of 050: The Blue Blood of Bilko, including Bilko posing as an intelligence officer again. But there are others that use the same formula. For that reason, I got a bit bored with it.

093: Bilko Saves Ritzik's Marriage

It's Ritzik's 15th wedding anniversary, but instead of being home by 8pm to celebrate with her as he promised, he succumbs to the temptation of a poker game with Bilko and the other master sergeants instead.

Ritzik's wife is terrifying of course, so inevitably this puts the poor man in something of a sticky situation. Bilko offers to help, but his cunning plan fails and Mrs Ritzik is determined to end her marriage.

Ritzik isn't particularly disappointed with this outcome but Bilko feels responsible and hatches an implausibly elaborate plot to get them back together. Ritzik turns out to be considerably more pliable than his wife, of course.

Any episode with Mrs Ritzik in it is a good one and this is no exception. She was played by Beatrice Pons, who was eight years older than Joe Ross (Ritzik).

Alan Alda famously got his TV debut in the very next episode Bilko, The Art Lover but I spotted him as an extra in this one. A very brief, non-speaking part. He plays a punter queuing up at the ticket office in a cinema.

There's a strange moment in this one, during the card game at the beginning. Ritzik puts his hand on a seated Bilko's shoulder and Bilko mutters "take your hands off me". It's not funny and it's completely incongruous to the plot.

094: Bilko, the Art Lover

Bilko has come over uncharacteristically strict and military for some reason, which naturally his platoon find troubling as well as highly inconvenient.

The camp doctor diagnoses "a case of nerves". "With most people it's overwork; in your case I don't know what it is", he adds. But he prescribes a week's furlough.

Being rather short of cash for travelling expenses, Bilko remembers a young man who was a member of the platoon a few years previously. Rocco remembers him as "the only millionaire's son we ever had in this platoon", but I'm sure there have been at least two.

Furthermore, the wealthy young man in this episode isn't one of them. He's Alan Alda, in his first speaking TV part. I checked to see if Alda was playing the same character from the first series episode The Rich Kid - which would have been a nice bit of continuity apart from the casting - but the name is different. This one is called Carlisle.

Bilko wangles an invitation to stay at the lad's family's mansion in New York. Unfortunately when he gets there, he discovers that not only is Carlisle yet to inherit his fortune, he's determined to live the life of an impoverished bohemian artist.

It's a variation on a theme we've seen quite a few times now, with Bilko posing as an expert to pull the wool over people's eyes. But Bilko's manipulating impersonation as a branch manager at the young man's father's firm is a delight.

Young Alan is, as you might expect from someone who went on to be one of America's most celebrated television actors, pretty good in this. The plot idea is weak. But Silvers' performance is strong.

095: Bilko, the Genius

Bilko's predecessor as motor pool sergeant drops in to Fort Baxter to pay a visit. To Bilko's surprise he's now a wealthy man, which he partly attributes to having taken part in the army's business administration course (sic) while enlisted. Why the US Army might offer such a course is not explored.

Naturally, Bilko decides to try the same thing - but he flunks the initial test.

Meanwhile, by a startling coincidence, the Pentagon is about to launch Operation Brainpower - in which all the tests ever taken in the army will be evaluated in order to classify the intelligence of every soldier. All of the test results are transferred to punched cards before being submitted to the "classification machine".

But Bilko's punched card is accidentally stepped on by someone who's just returned from a golf course, and is wearing spiked shoes - causing him to be miscategorised as a genius, then sent to join an elite group of scientists and engineers, where of course he is hopelessly out of his depth.

And yet - as you might expect, the wily master sergeant finds a way to exploit the situation.

I noticed a familiar face in this one - Mason Adams, who played Charlie Hume, the managing director from Lou Grant - about 20 years younger here of course. Died in 2005.

I noticed George Kennedy as well, playing an MP.

I also thought I recognised a young army mathematician, but the only notable thing he seems to have done after this episode of The Phil Silvers Show is a small part in Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead about 40 years later. I've never seen that film. Also no longer with us.

There's some nice footage of a punched card sorter - probably an IBM machine and likely cost thousands, even in 1950s money.

Terrific episode, very original and extremely funny. Possibly the best Series 3 episode so far.

096: Bilko the Male Model

Bilko returns from a trip to Chicago, where he's been living the high life and cavorting with a glamorous Burlesque performer, or so he'd have his platoon believe.

And he's been captured by a photographer in the background of an image printed in Life magazine - which is unfortunate, as he's supposed to have been at another army camp. Worse still, Colonel Hall has it delivered every week.

Can the devious master sergeant intercept the colonel's copy?

Yes, but it seems that Bilko's winning smile as printed in the magazine has piqued the interest of Life's readers. Perhaps their advertising agency can use him to reach a wider readership among the lower and middle income public?

Bilko is delighted of course, until he realises that they want to use him for his "homely" quality. But he gets over that when he realises that it could turn out to be highly lucrative - if he manipulates the situation properly.

Darren's boss from Bewitched is back in this one. Surely only Frank from Kojak has played more parts in The Phil Silvers Show.

097: The Colonel's Inheritance

Colonel Hall inherits $5,000 from a recently deceased second cousin, twice removed. He takes the news of his distant relative's death very well, as I think most of us would in these circumstances. He receives his inheritance in cash.

In this episode we establish that Bilko is able to sense the presence of nearby large sums of money, almost telepathically. It gives him a facial twitch.

The devious master sergeant manages to intercept the cash on the way to the bank, so he can wave it around and increase his standing with his creditors.

All well and good, no harm done, until Bilko overhears a hot tip for an sure thing investment on the stock exchange. He does wrestle with his conscience, to be fair. But he defeats it easily.

The way the plot concludes is a bit facile and convenient, but overall - it's a good one.

098: Bilko's Honeymoon

Paparelli's habit of typing entries to newspaper contests late at night greatly annoys the rest of the platoon, until he wins a holiday in Miami. It's winter at Fort Baxter, and since it's a holiday for two - Bilko naturally decides to take advantage.

Unfortunately, the prize is intended (and valid only) for a married couple. As you can probably guess, the solution is for one of the happy couple - Paparelli of course - to impersonate a woman (and he is shorter than Bilko to be fair). These days, he wouldn't have to bother!

There's a pretty good gag that goes ignored by the audience, when Bilko reprimands Paparelli for being in his bunk at 1100. He tells him he's supposed to get up at 1030. Not a titter. Proof that the laughter wasn't canned.

Very good one, with a bravura, though brief performance by an actress called Gretchen Wyler who doesn't seem to have gone on to do much else, save small parts in Private Benjamin and Dallas.

099: Bilko's Chinese Restaurant

Three new men are assigned to the motor pool, and Bilko introduces himself to them as their "friend away from home". The first thing he does is to enrol them in his weekly dancing class.

One of the new recruits - a young Chinese man - appears to have more cash than the other two and it turns out that his dad owns a chain of restaurants, so he receives a bit more attention from his sergeant than the other two. Bilko takes some inspiration from his family's success in the hospitality business and decides to open a Chinese restaurant himself.

He enlists Ritzik as the cook and the motor pool platoon as the waiting staff. Ritzik is encouraged to obtain the necessary supplies from the army.

In an unfortunate coincidence, just as the Pentagon is looking to send a group of men "with a Far Eastern orientation" to a posting to an atoll in the China Sea, Ritzik's preference for rice, bamboo sprouts, water chestnuts and so on comes to the attention of senior officers there.

It's not a brilliant idea for an episode really and it doesn't quite come off.

100: Operation Love

And on to the 100th episode - so it must be the 100th day of the year, already.

The WACs at Fort Baxter are tired of competing with Bilko's gambling activities for the attention of their men - so much so that more than 50 of them transfer to other posts in the space of two weeks.

Their various ex-partners are naturally upset about this, despite having neglected their WAC womenfolk for weeks.

I must say, given how the men of the motor pool platoon are usually depicted as being sad and single, it's remarkable that most of them seem to have been in relationships with WACs, for the convenience of this storyline. And yet Bilko's own girl, the lovely Joan, doesn't even appear to exist in this episode.

But reality in the Phil Silvers Show universe can be a little fluid.

Anyway - Bilko arranges for the heartbroken men of his platoon to attend a poetry circle usually attended by young ladies. It doesn't quite go to plan.

Ultimately, the devious master sergeant's solution is to attract more WACs to Fort Baxter. "Fort Baxter, the Paradise of the Plains", he exclaims when the idea comes to him. "Daily excitement, romance, adventure", he continues. Rocco points out that this would be misrepresentation and deception. "No", Bilko corrects him. "It's an out and out lie".

Bilko visits another army camp headquarters at one point and they just reused the set of the office at Fort Baxter - it's identical. They did move one of the desks, to be fair.

I think that, in the present day, someone of a feminist inclination might raise an eyebrow at the way that some of the women in this one are shown to be shallow and easily manipulated. Nonetheless, it's hilarious. First rate episode.

101: Bilko's TV Pilot

A new recruit turns up; a loud and boisterous cowboy by the name of "Montana" Morgan. The other men are understandably concerned that their customary peace and quiet will be disturbed.

Happily, Bilko manages to get him transferred to Ritzik's platoon. But not before Doberman sends a photo of himself and Morgan to CBS' casting department, who express an interest and ask for an interview.

Yep it's the same old plot idea again; Bilko trying to get rich off a new recruit. See also: Hank Lumpkin. But hilariously, to Bilko's surprise, it's Doberman they're interested in.

When Bilko finds out how lucrative the TV business is, he decides to make his own Western TV show pilot. Again, Bilko making his own film or theatre production is a well-worn idea by now.

I looked up Wynn Pearce, who plays "Montana". He died in 1990. His acting career was mostly spent in TV westerns, but he went on to be a college professor in the '70s.

Danny Dayton, who played a comedian in Bilko's Television Idea, come to think of it a pretty similar story - is back in this one as a quartermaster sergeant.

It's not great overall but the scene where Bilko shows his TV pilot to the execs in New York is priceless.

102: Bilko Retires From Gambling

Bilko needs money for a trip to Chicago, so naturally he needs to arrange a poker game. Unfortunately since he usually wins the other sergeants are reluctant to take part, so he tries to persuade them that it's their lucky day.

This proves implausibly easy, of course. And predictably, Bilko cleans them out again.

But Mrs Ritzik complains to Colonel Hall. Hall is determined to stop Bilko's gambling (again). But this time Captain Barker comes up with a cunning, almost Bilkoesque plan. He hires a magician called Paul Draylin who's an expert at card tricks to pose as a new sergeant and play poker with Bilko.

The guy who plays the card expert delivers his lines in a somewhat wooden fashion, which made me think that he's probably some sort of 1950s Paul Daniels in real life, rather than an actor. And indeed he was an illusionist and magician based on Broadway, here playing himself.

There follows, on Bilko's return from Chicago, a poker game in which - to the devious master sergeant's huge distress - Ritzik beats him handsomely.

Bilko's spirit is broken.

It's one of those "careful what you wish for" stories. And it's a very good one. I will say though that the depiction of clinical depression for comedic purposes might prove just a little uncomfortable for some viewers in the 21st century. Personally I found it hilarious.

Spotted George Kennedy in this one, playing an MP again.

103: Bilko's Vacation

Bilko decides he needs to take his annual vacation - his sixth in the current year. Since he's not actually due a vacation, his strategy is to convince Colonel Hall to take one - in the expectation that his commanding officer won't want to leave Bilko on the post unsupervised.

The wily master sergeant's tactics to achieve this are unusual, but effective. The colonel's physician prescribes a two week leave, and the colonel immediately insists that the whole motor platoon take one as well.

To save money, Bilko decides to holiday at a cheap and rather basic venue called Dimmeldorf's Lodge. And he arranges to stay there for free, if he can persuade the rest of the platoon to stay there as well.

I'm never sure why Henshaw and Rocco are always so keen to help Bilko, when there's usually nothing in it for themselves. But in this one at least they get a free holiday out of it.

It's a thoroughly decent farce. Not a classic but a good one. The colonel's defeated exasperation in a scene at the lodge is hilarious, and this time it's not actually Bilko's fault! And for once, in the end, he gets one over on the troublesome motor pool sergeant.

William Holden gets a mention which amused me, because Harvey Lembeck (Rocco) was in a film with him a few years before this was made.

104: Bilko's Insurance Company

Bilko, Henshaw and Rocco are down to their last 20 cents. Then Paparelli suffers a collision with a car - nothing worse than a bruise - and Bilko sees an opportunity to make some money on the driver's insurance.

In fact Paparelli collided with the car while it was parked, but Bilko's meeting with the insurance company gives him an idea to start an insurance business of his own, for the Fort Baxter personnel.

His initiative is remarkably successful, until he becomes terrified about one of the motor pool privates - a man with a twin brother - meeting one of the WACs (a young woman who's a triplet). Why? Because the policy Bilko has been selling has a potentially expensive clause covering women who give birth to twins or triplets, and of course it's assumed to be hereditary.

Yep it's a somewhat convoluted plot idea, but Silvers' portrait of paranoia makes it work. It's mainly a hilarious farce about Bilko intrusively trying to keep them apart.

Brilliant.

Kim Novak gets a mention; she would have been 25 when this was made. She's still with us at the age of 90, but unfortunately the victim of some slightly disastrous plastic surgery.

Interestingly the actors who play the young couple were married in real life but divorced a couple of years later. Orson Bean (the young private) died three years ago. He was also in Being John Malkovich about 20 years later. As far as I can tell the girl who plays the WAC (Rain Winslow) is still with us, but didn't have a notable career after the '50s.

105: Bilko's Prize Poodle

Doberman has loved and lost his penfriend girlfriend, so naturally he decides to buy a dog instead. He obtains a poodle for $5.

Hilariously, there's a mix up at the pet shop based on the name "Doberman", and some pedigree papers intended for a Doberman dog of award-winning descent get sent to Private Doberman at Fort Baxter instead.

When Bilko sees them, naturally he sees an opportunity to make some money from the woebegone private's pet at a prestigious dog show - not realising that it's an unremarkable mutt.

Frank from Kojak is back yet again, this time as a customer in the pet shop.

Not a bad one. Neil Simon co-wrote it.

106: Bilko's School Days

Bilko is short of cash to put on a horse, but has great difficulty raising any from his usual scams. Or as he puts it - "half the post is wise to me, the other half is broke".

He decides to apply for a transfer to greener, more lucrative pastures. Until he discovers that 1500 new men are due to be transferred to the camp - if Fort Baxter is selected as the site for a new army training facility.

So this episode is basically about Bilko conning the officer responsible for the selection into choosing Fort Baxter, then trying to wangle out of the unintended consequences.

The Phil Silvers Show was performed - or later screened - in front of a live audience, and yet in this one the laughter feels canned. It's over-loud, not quite natural and intrusive.

It's not a great one.

107: Joan's Big Romance

Joan is going on vacation to Chicago, and Bilko has a date with her on the night before she leaves. But Ritzik has won some cash in a crap game, so - predictably - Bilko decides to try to take the money off him at poker instead of spending the evening with his girlfriend.

Equally predictably, Joan finds out - and tells Bilko that she's had enough.

The next day, en route to Chicago, Joan has a chance meeting with a millionaire and gets snapped in a paparazzi photo. She uses this to maximum advantage to make Bilko jealous, as a bit of revenge.

Bilko's plan to win her back is typically elaborate and dishonest, but Joan more than has the measure of him. For a while.

I must say, Joan has an enviable pair of jugs and they look very well supported. But I wonder if there's a bit of padding going on in there.

(https://i.ibb.co/Pj4d7rh/joanie-jugs.jpg)

The notion of Joan and Bilko being in a relationship is problematic. In some episodes they clearly are, in others it's as though she doesn't exist. While it's tempting to think of their relationship as on-off, in reality I think that it's just a case of the writers not being very consistent. In any case, it's established in this one - at least for the scope of this single episode - that they've been an item for three years.

There's an odd moment in the millionaire's apartment when he's supposed to be alone, but someone briefly appears on the right of the screen. A second cameraman I think.

It's a very well executed farce with some clever and highly amusing (if improbable) twists.

And that was the last episode of the third series. One more series to go.

108: Gold Fever

Bilko wins a crate of unwanted army surplus items in a mystery auction. Among its contents is a hand-drawn map, with what he believes to be the location of a gold mine in California.

He leaves for California the next day, with Rocco and Henshaw in tow. The location of the gold mine turns out to be the site of an old, long-disused army post called Camp Fremont. It also transpires that the army's lease on the old camp is about to expire, and a highway is about to be built over it.

Bilko manages to connive a solution to persuade the army to keep it open, which in part involves him impersonating a baseball team owner and a World War One veteran.

Then of course he has to connive Colonel Hall into moving the whole of Fort Baxter there. Which he does! The army is only too happy to accept a volunteer commanding officer to occupy the derelict site they're forced to maintain.

It really stretches credulity to think that the army would move a large number of men into what appears to be a derelict wasteland without building any amenities or running water, but that's what seems to happen.

This isn't a great episode to open the fourth series, but it is an important one. We bid farewell to Fort Baxter, and from now on Bilko, the motor pool platoon and presumably the other regulars as well are based at Camp Fremont.

This was done supposedly to make guest appearances by Hollywood stars playing themselves more plausible.

109: Bilko's Vampire

So here we are at Camp Fremont, and it looks like a modern army post with all the usual amenities and accommodation! That didn't take long. Or who knows .. perhaps a year passed since the last episode.

Bilko is irritated by Ritzik and Grover's recent habit of leaving poker games early. They've told him they have a date, but actually they've become addicted to watching late night horror films at Ritzik's place, which incidentally looks oddly identical to their last place at Roseville. But at least Bilko's quarters look a bit different. Colonel Hall has a new office, as well.

It's yet another one of those stories in which Bilko impersonates someone influential, this time the chairman of the "Citizens' Committe for the Advancement and Betterment of Television". All part of his plot to have the horror films taken off the air, just so that he can stop Ritzik and Grover watching TV instead of playing poker. It doesn't work.

I'm not overly fond of these Bilko impersonation scenes. I suppose they're intended to show off Silvers' versatility as a comic actor. But this one is worth it for the bit where he presents a local TV exec with an award statuette called "the Fanny". That one would probably raise more of a laugh in the UK than the US.

Bilko eventually comes up with an even better plan that exploits Ritzik's gullible and neurotic nature. Then he finds a business opportunity.

I must say, Joe Ross (as Ritzik) plays a blinder in this one. It's a joy to watch his scenes with Silvers. Two brilliant comic actors bouncing off each other.

There's some absolutely beautiful absurdism in this one. Superb episode.

The music over the closing credits is different for this last series. Nice. The opening theme music is the same.

110: Bilko's De Luxe Tours

The motor pool men all have a weekend pass, and they're off to (now) nearby San Francisco. Bilko has a date there with a girl called Gloria. How Joan feels about this is not explored.

Sadly, it turns out that there's only one train a day to California's most illustrious city, and by the time they get to the station, the boys have missed it.

Bilko comes up with a remarkable idea, involving posing as a new member of the parent / teachers association of the local school. He wangles a new school bus from the city treasurer, so he can have the old one and make a profit out of it.

Needless to say, Bilko's business idea doesn't quite go to plan.

It's not a good one. It stretches a lukewarm joke too thin. But the payoff made me smile.

We see the new motor pool barracks for the first time in this one.

111: Bilko the Potato Sack King

The Steadfast Burlap Mill - a prestigious manufacturer of potato sacks - anticipates massive sales on the back of the biggest potato crop in ten years.

Clearly a big sales push is in order, to ensure those potatoes end up in their own sacks.

One of their senior managers remembers Bilko, his old army sergeant, as "the greatest salesman I ever saw". Can he tempt him away from the army with a $20,000 salary?

That must have been a lot of money in 1958 and needless to say the ensuing telegram is very well received. Can you just resign from the US Army, in 1958? Apparently you can, because Colonel Hall brings Bilko's discharge papers to him personally.

Bilko takes to business life like a fish to water - until one of Steadfast's competitors enters the market with a plastic potato sack that's even cheaper than theirs and the bottom falls out of the burlap business.

Bilko's back in the army in next to no time, but needless to say he comes up with a plan to turn the situation to his advantage. Not unusually, it involves him masquerading as an influential person (again).

It's a pretty good one.

There's a brief scene of 1950s downtown San Francisco, nice to see as I spent a few days there myself in the summer of '99.

112: Bilko vs. Covington

A new sergeant called Covington provides Bilko with some unwelcome competition when he starts his own gambling nights and social events at Camp Fremont.

Not only that, but when Bilko turns up with flowers to visit one of his girlfriends (yep, this is one of those episodes in which Joan does not appear to exist), Covington has beaten him to it.

How can Bilko get rid of him?

There follows, of course, an elaborate plan. But Covington counters with an elaborate plan of his own.

It's a curious one, because there's no particular conclusion. It's a problem that remains unresolved.

113: Bilko Joins the Navy

Bilko, Zimmerman and Paparelli (what, not Rocco and Henshaw?) are in San Diego on weekend passes, and they've arranged a meeting with three of the local girls.

Unfortunately their dates leave with sailors shortly after meeting them - San Diego is a Navy town, of course - but Bilko gets wind of an all-weekend Navy crap game, which naturally changes his plans.

The three have to masquerade as sailors to get in.

Bilko is remarkably successful, until (and I saw this coming a mile off), the naval military police turn up - and of course, the consequences of wearing naval uniforms turn out to be a bit more complicated than anticipated.

I recognised a familiar face from F Troop playing one of the sailors, and I haven't seen that show since I was a kid. A memorable face, obviously. Larry Storch, who died less than a year ago at the age of 99.

This one is an absolute belter. I reckon that if I were to compile a 15-episode Best of Bilko, this would be one of them - nice to see that in the final series.

114 Bilko's Big Woman Hunt

The platoon have lost confidence in Bilko's management of their welfare fund, largely because he tends to spend it on the horses.

So he comes up with a plan to get them to trust Henshaw instead, by appearing to fall out with him.

But Henshaw has found love, and his mind is on other things. Or as his sergeant puts it, "Ever since he hooked up with that dame he's a useless slob".

The final straw comes when Henshaw leaves a cuddly toy in the Colonel's car, causing the old boy to crack down on Bilko's various business enterprises. There follows, of course, a cunning plan to separate the poor corporal from his love interest.

It turns out to be unnecessary, but Bilko falls into the very same trap.

The conclusion to this one is very surprising.

One of the enterprises that Colonel Hall has cancelled is Bilko's "Welcome Alaska into the Union" dance; I checked and Alaska wasn't yet officially a US state when this episode was broadcast. The proclamation making it final was signed in January 1959.

The video quality of this one is poor in parts. Looks like it was subjected to an aggressive noise reduction filter while being prepared for the DVD release. But it's still very watchable.

I liked it, not bad at all.

115: Bilko and the Crosbys

Bing Crosby's son Lindsay (here played by himself in a pleasingly natural performance) has joined the army, and he reports for duty to Colonel Hall at Camp Fremont.

To the Colonel's horror, he's been assigned to Bilko's platoon.

Naturally (because we've had this plot idea about four times now), Bilko does his best to take advantage of the situation. He makes overtures to take over the Crosby family's business affairs.

In a surprising turn of events, it turns out that Bilko's grandfather (played by Silvers in a flashback scene of course) was an acquaintance of the Crosby family many years previously.

Lindsay's three brothers also appear as themselves. Gary in particular had a flair for comedy, a real charismatic performer like his dad. The other two - not so much.

It's a bit unfocused, this one. It's essentially composed of three tenuously connected fantasy scenes; the flashback from the 19th century, a rather silly and overlong dream sequence in which Bilko imagines himself as Bing Crosby (Silvers does a faintly amusing impersonation of the Old Groaner) and a dream Lindsay has that the four Crosby brothers are Bilko's sons - which to be fair is quite funny.

None of the four brothers are still with us. Sadly, Lindsay shot himself in 1989 at the age of 51. His brother Dennis did the same thing less than eighteen months later. He was 56.

Gary died in 1995 at the age of 62, of lung cancer. Philip lived to the age of 69, when he died from a heart attack in 2004.

Not a particularly good one, but very interesting. I guess it was conceived as a vehicle for the Crosby boys, and it works well enough.

116: Bilko's Allergy

Sherman the Shark (apparently one of Bilko's arch-rivals) has organised a high-stakes poker game in the town. Bilko finds out about it and turns up late, but he's determined to turn up at the next one the following week.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have the necessary funds to take part. But Colonel Hall has just received a $305.40 tax refund ..

Of course, the scheme to separate him from it is deviously clever. But Bilko's main problem is that he's developed an allergy to one of the principal substances used in the manufacture of playing cards ..

A very clever one with a nice, classic Bilko twisty plot. Beautiful farce.

In this episode we learn that Paparelli is 31 years old, but Billy Sands, who played him, was 47.

Sherman is played by an actor called J.D. Cannon. I recognised him as a regular in Alias Smith and Jones (one of the "detectives").

117: Bilko and the Chaplain

Bilko returns from a weekend in San Francisco overwhelmed by his experience. He's apparently met a girl there. And he's very keen to return there as soon as possible, but when he puts in a request for more leave (on a flimsy pretext involving a fictional deceased relative, of course), Colonel Hall reminds him that Camp Fremont is a military installation - "not a place to change your shirt between nightclubs".

Bilko attempts to take his mind off it with an uncharacteristic bout of hard work, although of course it's his platoon who have to take the strain.

By a remarkable coincidence, Colonel Hall has been ordered to send a platoon to San Francisco the following weekend. He decides to send the platoon with the highest work record, assuming that this will exclude the motor pool.

The old boy accepts defeat, but assigns the chaplain to accompany Bilko and his men - to protect San Francisco.

There follows a heartwarming tale, in which the chaplain puts Bilko's devious talents to good use in a worthy cause.

Bilko's new girlfriend is certainly a babe, but what about Joan? That's right, for the purposes of this story, she doesn't exist.

118: Bilko Presents the McGuire Sisters

Bilko's putting on a camp show, so he goes to see an old friend in Hollywood who's a theatrical agent. Unfortunately, the enterprising sergeant's budget only runs to $23.

But he does manage to hire some famous name artists - Frank Sinatra, Kim Novak and the McGuire Sisters. Not the famous Frank Sinatra, Kim Novak and McGuire Sisters - just people with the same names. But that proves entirely adequate for Bilko's purposes of course, because it helps the ticket sales no end.

Due to a misunderstanding arising from a fan letter written by Doberman, the real McGuire Sisters - played by themselves, of course - end up turning up to play Bilko's show.

Of course, Bilko smells an opportunity to make even more money, and there follows a Machiavellian plan to pit the sisters against each other.

It's ridiculous to be fair, but a classic Phil Silvers Show farce. Very good one. Bilko's sheer, heartless self-serving greed is hilarious.

I hadn't heard of the McGuire Sisters. They were a popular singing trio in the late '50s and '60s. Their career floundered in the late '60s, supposedly because they were blacklisted by the TV companies due to the youngest of the three, Phyllis, being in a relationship with the head of the Chicago mob! Frank Sinatra introduced them.

Mickey Rooney appears as himself in a delightful little cameo.

Phyllis died in December 2020. The other two, Ruby and Dorothy, died in 2018 and 2012 respectively.

Bea Arthur, best known for The Golden Girls and Maude is also in this one briefly.

119: Bilko's Secret Mission

Captain Barker is in charge of the camp while Colonel Hall is away, and he's suffering from what medical science knows as "Bilko Fatigue".

Mysteriously, a senior general turns up at the camp wanting to see Sergeants Bilko, Grover and Ritzik. They and their men are to work with him on a secret operation to test the effect of nuclear reactors on tanks.

Bilko manages to get out of it immediately, but swiftly changes his mind when he realises that the mission will take him to a location near Las Vegas.

Unfortunately they are closely supervised and guarded when they arrive at said location. How to escape to Nevada's renowned gambling Mecca?

There's some remarkably implausible science in this one. One of the army's scientists has devised a method to make human beings magnetic, until exposed to alcohol. He even demonstrates this by moving a glass - yep, it even works on glass - with a wave of his hand. But Ritzik becomes magnetised accidentally.

Bilko comes up with a ruse to get to Las Vegas - there are even some scenes filmed on location, which surprised me since the show was actually made in New York. But he's unsuccessful. He loses $200.

Then he finds Ritzik trying out his new Roulette system, with spectacular success.

It's a bit rambling and unfocused this one. One thing that irritated me is that we never find out exactly how the tanks are tested, or how the men from Camp Fremont are supposed to assist.

But it's not bad. The Las Vegas scenes make it a bit unusual.

There's a delightful little cameo by Dean Martin.

120: Bilko's Giveaway

Bilko, Henshaw and Rocco are off to Hollywood on leave for three days. They only have $35 between them, until Bilko somehow loses it in a poker game with a travelling salesman on the train.

When they get there, he has the brilliant idea of taking part in a TV quiz show with a cash prize. The three of them turn up at a TV studio and hustle their way in.

Bilko's performance in the quiz show is not the best, but fortunately he's partnered with an improbably smart kid. This leads to a surprising predicament, but of course the cunning master sergeant has a plan to get out of it.

Bilko's awkwardness in front of the TV camera is beautifully done, especially when you consider that Phil Silvers was anything but.

George Kennedy is in this one again, and again he's in the Military Police, "MP Sergeant Kennedy". As well as playing small parts, he served as technical advisor for the show - having served for 16 years in the US Army.

It's a pretty good one and I especially liked the gag at the end.                                                                   

121: Bilko and the Medium

Bilko visits a loan company in the hope of making a small loan of $500 to open Bilko's Pool Room and Bowling Alley in Grove City. But negotiations flounder when he attempts to use the Colonel's jeep as collateral.

Meanwhile, Sergeant and Mrs Ritzik visit a medium, to take part in a seance. Ritzik is very keen to communicate with the spirit world, for some reason. He learns that he's about to come into a large sum of money. Sure enough, in no time at all, he receives a telegram to inform him that he's won $1000 in a raffle.

Almost simultaneously, Bilko and his two crony corporals turn up Chez Ritzik trying to con the couple into signing a contract to make their home collateral for Bilko's loan. Mrs R is having none of it. But in no time at all, Bilko has found out about the Ritziks' windfall.

So this story, of course, is about Bilko's scheme to separate them from it. The devious master sergeant is especially unscrupulous and conniving in this one. Really inventively duplicitous. Hilarious. And there's a lovely twist, with a delightful conclusion.

There's a comment about "pulling out of this recession" which gets a laugh - a bit of political satire, perhaps? Wikipedia tells me there was a "sharp worldwide economic downturn", also known as the Eisenhower Recession, in 1958.

Very good one, in the classic Phil Silvers Show mould. Great to see, this late in the game.

The medium, Madame Zaboda was played by a comedienne called Jorie Remus. I wasn't able to determine if she was still with us, but I did find an album called The Unpredictable Jorie Remus on Spotify; a live recording. I wouldn't say her material has aged well, but it did get laughs back in the day. Perhaps the audience present at the recording was very well lubricated.

She was in Hawaii Five-O a few times, and one episode of Magnum PI in 1982.

122: Bilko's Bopster

A famous jazz drummer named Skinny Sanders is enlisted into the Army, and (of course) he's assigned to Bilko's platoon. Yep, essentially a rerun of the Elvin Pelvin episode, although I don't think the young musician in this one is based on anyone real. He does have a passing resemblance to Buddy Rich actually, but I think it's coincidental.

The lad wastes no time in annoying his NCOs and platoon mates by practicing drumming on available objects and listening to his transistor radio at unsociable hours.

I must say I really dug the cat's crazy 1950s hepcat talk. Hilarious, Daddy-O. But the local jazzers that Bilko finds in a club are even funnier. An absolutely hysterical parody of beatnik hipsters. Genuine laugh-out-loud material.

When he very nearly gets Bilko into serious trouble by inviting the local police chief's 16 year old daughter round the barracks, it's the last straw. Bilko tries to have him transferred. Until he finds out that Skinny is famous, when - of course - he becomes an opportunity.

Captain Barker is in charge of the camp again in this one. We haven't seen Colonel Hall for a few episodes. But that's no bad thing, because Barker is actually quite a nicely fleshed-out character in his own right - he has a certain neurotic tendency that Hall doesn't have.

One of the Fort Baxter officers from the first couple of series is back in this one, as a recruiting sergeant. The number of people who got to play more than one part in this show is remarkable. We haven't seen Frank from Kojak for a while, though.

Skinny was played by Ronny Graham, who apart from being a very talented comic actor was a successful theatrical composer, night club comedian, author and director.

This one is superb. A top ten candidate.

123: Bilko's Hollywood Romance
 
A movie starlet called Monica Malamar has been the subject of a sustained bout of negative publicity, mainly because of her own low-rent behaviour. So her press agent embarks on a campaign to clean up her image. His first thought is to have her appear at Camp Fremont, where she can be seen in the company of "simple, clean-cut young soldiers".

Naturally, Bilko is keen to be the principal clean-cut soldier to soak up the attention and expensed entertainment. It doesn't take a lot of wangling.

Even better, Monica's agent has the brilliant idea of getting her to start a romance with Bilko - just for a couple of weeks, for the publicity. In order to arrange this, her agent tries some clever manipulation on the devious master sergeant. has Bilko been out-Bilkoed?

Yes, but of course it's not long before Ernie has the upper hand.

Intriguing one, this. It's a sort of tennis match of devious conniving between Bilko and Monica's management. One of those where Bilko's ego gets the better of him and he goes into a sort of theatrical prima donna mode, which I find a bit irritating.

And another of those episodes in which Bilko's usual squeeze Joan doesn't exist. And while it might be tempting to assume that she's left the camp, in fact she does appear again at least once as his girlfriend in a later episode.

Not bad, not great. I did love the payoff, though.

124: Bilko's Grand Hotel

Bilko and the motor pool platoon are about to open their own pizza stand, the "Pizzarama". It's 40c for a mushroom pizza. Inflation, eh?

Unfortunately the stand burns down at the grand opening, largely due to Paparelli and Zimmerman being a little inept with the cooking equipment.

But Bilko reads about a hotel tycoon visiting Grove City. He puts two and two together - and decides he must secretly want to buy the town's old, derelict Grand Hotel to refurbish it. Can the wily master sergeant buy it first, then sell it on at a huge profit?

The first part is easy enough; the second not so much - since it turns out that his assumption was somewhat wide of the mark.

But a chance meeting in a coffee shop inspires an elaborate plan.

This episode is perhaps most notable for an appearance by Irwin Corey as an eccentric vagrant. He was a stand-up comic as well as an actor. Lenny Bruce considered him to be "one of the most brilliant comedians of all time". He died at the ripe old age of 102 in 2017.

It's not bad at all.

125: Bilko's Credit Card

Bilko's on a date in San Francisco with a babe, but he's broke. When she finds out that he can't afford to pay for dinner, she decides to dine with Grover - who's inconveniently just turned up at the restaurant - instead.

Bilko decides to apply for a credit card. Unsurprisingly, once his creditworthiness has been established, his application is declined. But he decides to start his own credit card club for the Camp Fremont service personnel.

Not unreasonably, the various service personnel are a little reluctant to take advantage of this opportunity. But Bilko has a plan to bring them round.

And he does, but that's not the end of his troubles.

A British Army officer makes an appearance in this one - a bit of a caricature of an upper-class Englishman. But to be fair I expect a lot of them were probably like that in the late '50s. Or I like to think so, anyway.

Not a classic, but pretty good.

126: Viva Bilko

Bilko and three boys from his platoon are in Mexico for a few days, on leave. Paparelli, Zimmerman and the Doberman have paid their sergeant $25 to arrange hotel accomodation, transport and his own services as a guide.

I could have done without the bullfight footage, but remarkably enough, they do all have a good time.

Until they get caught up in a robbery at a bar. The criminals involved are fantastically stereotypical Mexican bandits, with huge sombreros, ponchos and ammunition belts slung over both shoulders. Their uniforms and papers get stolen, which unfortunately results in a very hard time getting back over the border.

To make matters worse, one of the Mexican bandits is an exact double of Doberman. Yep - a well-worn trope for a farce, but the writers definitely squeeze some juice out of it in this one.

There's some dark humour about Mexican "wetbacks" being exploited for cheap labour, but perhaps that sort of thing wasn't considered quite so dark by American TV audiences in the late '50s.

Unusual one in that there's no convoluted plan on Bilko's part, no devious scheme to make money. He's pretty much a hapless victim of unfolding events.

But it is a good one. Although the Mexican Tourist Board wouldn't agree.

127: The Colonel's Promotion

Colonel Hall is up for promotion to Brigadier General. Naturally, he's keen to ensure that Bilko doesn't ruin his chances. So he keeps a close eye on his motor pool sergeant, which of course hinders Bilko's various gambling arrangements.

Bilko has the brilliant idea of fitting a "radio transistor" into the colonel's pen, so he can keep an eye on the old boy's whereabouts, by radar. He intends to "bounce sound waves off it". That's not quite how radar works in real life, but hey.

Sadly, the Colonel is turned down for promotion and he decides to retire (at the age of 54, as we find out during a conversation with his wife). Mrs Hall is alarmed by this prospect, so she decides to solicit help from "the one person who can twist the colonel around his little finger".

Of course, there follows a devious plan.

A famous golfer called Claude Harmon appears as himself. He died in 1989.

It's not bad but the original idea about Bilko and Hall trying to keep tabs on each other fizzles out half-way through, and the idea that follows it (Bilko wangling a promotion for the colonel) isn't really that funny.

128: Bilko's Sharpshooter

One of Ritzik's platoon, a young man called Pete Masters, is a very talented marksman. Ritzik has made a tidy sum from taking bets on him.

But someone who's just arrived at Camp Fremont in Grover's platoon turns out to be even better. Can Bilko wangle the new recruit into his own platoon so he can outdo Ritzik?

Initially his prospects of doing this don't look too promising on the second count, because Bilko misidentifies the sharpshooter. Needless to say the young man that Bilko manages to transfer under his own charge is absolutely hopeless. The brilliant shooter is actually a young WAC.

Genuinely hilarious. Really heartening to see an episode of this quality in the final series. There's an absolutely bravura performance from Silvers in a scene between Bilko and his colonel, in Hall's office. Top five easily.

We see the admin office in this one, and funnily enough it looks exactly the same as the office at Fort Baxter.

At one point in this episode, desperate for a favour, Grover offers to build Bilko a colour television, with stereophonic sound. In 1959? Really? Well, believe it or not the first colour broadcast in the USA occurred in 1954, though most programmes were recorded and broadcast in black & white for some years to come - certainly including The Phil Silvers Show. But stereo TV definitely wasn't a thing.

This is another episode in which Bilko's relationship with Joan doesn't appear to exist, since (as part of a devious plan of course), he tells Colonel Hall that he's engaged to the sharpshooter WAC.

129: Bilko's Formula Seven

One of Bilko's men, a wrinkly-looking hillbilly called Jenkins whom we haven't seen before, brings a jug of Applejack - some sort of illicit Kentucky hooch - into the motor pool garage. When Bilko insists that he gets rid of it, before one of the officers finds it - he pours it into the crankcase of the Colonel's jeep.

He subsequently drains it out again, and gets oil and Applejack all over his face under the jeep. But when he washes it off .. he appears to be ten years younger! The wrinkles have gone!

Has Bilko happened upon a lucrative formula for a skin rejuvenating product?

The recipe for Applejack, as outlined to Bilko, is highly implausible. It becomes highly alcoholic overnight. In any case, needless to say, Bilko's path to riches does not run smoothly.

Mrs Ritzik features prominently in this one. Always a guarantee of a good one and this is no exception, even though I could see the payoff coming a mile off. And there's a very funny little gag at the end.

At one point, Colonel Hall receives some of the moonshine / motor oil treatment, and he does end up looking substantially younger. This is achieved, theatrically speaking, with makeup and a subtle hairpiece as far as I can tell.

Beatrice Pons, who plays Emma Ritzik was 52 when this was made, though Mrs Ritzik is claimed to be 38 years old.

130: Bilko's Ape Man

The motor pool has a new recruit, a very tall, fit, good-looking and well turned out young man called Forbes. Naturally Bilko is concerned that he won't fit in.

It turns out that Forbes is a PT instructor, and the Colonel wants him to get the rest of the platoon into shape. "Regular hours. Early to bed. Early to rise, exercise, the works", he tells his motor platoon sergeant.

After his first session of 6AM calisthenics, Bilko resolves to get rid of the lad. Coincidentally, a movie studio is looking for a new Tarzan and they're offering a $100,000 contract.

I looked up the actor who plays Forbes - Kenneth Vaughn. It seems the only thing the Internet knows him for is this episode of The Phil Silvers Show. The same is definitely not true for Lucille Ball, who has an entertaining little cameo in this episode (and surprisingly, she doesn't play herself).

Not an out-and-out classic, but it builds to a very funny conclusion. The last five minutes are hysterical.

Mrs Ritzik appears in this one. Her leopard skin coat is used, not entirely in line with her wishes, to make a Tarzan-style loin cloth.

131: Warrant Officer Paparelli

A new and rather stern lieutenant named Blake has, with the Colonel's approval, imposed rather brutal sanctions on Bilko and his men in response to their usual lamentable indiscipline.

News that he's being transferred to Germany is received with joy in the motor platoon, but Bilko anticipates that the next officer will be just as bad. Unless .. can he get one of his own men promoted to lieutenant, instead?

He comes up with a novel method to achieve this, of course. It doesn't quite go to plan, but Bilko's brazen determination to pursue it eventually pays off. Or at least - Paparelli gets promoted to Warrant Officer. This is a story that underlines the wisdom of the old adage: "be careful what you wish for".

There's a brief joke about someone called Nathan Hale. He was executed by the British for spying during the American Revolutionary War. Surprising how many throwaway references to that conflict there are in The Phil Silvers Show. Wouldn't have understood any of them when I first watched this programme in the '70s, of course.

I watched this one on Phil Silvers' birthday. He would have been 112.

Very good one.

132: Bilko's Godson

Bilko's debts have mounted up, and he's received a number of official letters warning of the consequences if he doesn't pay up. He decides that the solution is to change his name, to reset his credit score.

He immediately starts to ignore mail for Sgt E Bilko, on the grounds that Sgt Woodrow Hopkins doesn't read other people's mail. But he changes his mind when he finds that an old army buddy's baby - his new Godson no less - is to be named after him.

Bilko attends the Christening, and his new responsibility brings out powerful proud, protective paternal instincts in him.

So he attempts to enrol his Godson at Stanford University for a course starting in 1977. He's asked to return in 1976. "But I'll be stationed on the Moon then", he complains.

He comes up with an elaborate (and of course) devious plan to get round this. It's very clever (and very funny).

I recognised a very young-looking Dick Cavett playing a student in this one.

A nice change, in that Bilko isn't trying to make himself rich, and for once his cunning plan actually works.

133: Guinea Pig Bilko

It's payday again at Camp Fremont. In order to give the men a head start on Bilko, Colonel Hall has the bright idea of paying them at 10am, before the greedy sergeant is out of bed.

It's to little avail. As soon as he's up, Bilko goes into a sort of feeding frenzy, deftly parting his fellow soldiers from their cash with alarming determination and efficiency.

His commanding officer concludes that something must be done. By a happy coincidence, a Major Wallace from the Surgeon General's Office at the Pentagon arrives at the camp, looking for guinea pigs for an experimental drug. And it's Frank from Kojak again! In what must be his sixth different Phil Silvers Show character.

Does the colonel have among his men any who are suffering from an inability to concentrare on military duty, coupled with an excess of misdirected energy?

The old boy manages to get Bilko to take the wonder pills. The effects are remarkable. The once hyperactively devious sergeant becomes mellow and relaxed. He completely loses his will to connive.

But this episode is an object lesson in the dangers of unintended consequences.

Not a bad one at all.

134: Bilko, the Butler

The motor platoon attend a wedding of one of their comrades to a wealthy heiress. Bilko leaves the ceremony feeling very emotional. "Why couldn't it have been me?", he cries.

But when he finds out that the happy couple met at the San Francisco USO, he decides to try his luck there himself. Thanks to an arrangement in which local families offer invitations to dinner for soldiers via the USO, the devious sergeant manages to wangle an invitation, after a bit of conniving, to eat with a family in San Francisco's wealthiest district.

Unfortunately they turn out to be the serving staff rather than the owners of the mansion where Bilko turns up for sunday dinner, but Bilko detects an opportunity nonetheless.

There's a nice scene in which a young soldier uses a recording booth to make a voice recording for his parents - these were coin operated, and instantly recorded a vinyl record that you could put in the post. Never take WhatsApp for granted.

Pretty good one with a neat plot twist and a clever little gag to finish off.

135: Ritzik Goes Civilian

Ritzik is back home late after a poker session. A very angry Mrs Ritzik is pacing the living room carpet when he arrives with Bilko and the two crony corporals in tow, so in order to save her husband's skin, Bilko invents a story that he's been injured in a confrontation with a jeep - bringing him into the house on a stretcher just to reinforce the point.

She doesn't buy it. In fact she's determined to get Ritzik out of the army, away from Bilko's late night poker games, so that the conniving sergeant can't get his hands on their money ever again.

She gets her own way. Colonel Hall expedites the mess sergeant's discharge, and he's in civilian clothes the very next day. He's very sad to be leaving his kitchen and the job he loves, but Emma Ritzik is clearly in charge.

This leads, unusually, to a crisis of conscience on Bilko's part. Meanwhile the Ritziks have unwisely borrowed money to buy a diner in the middle of nowhere, but business isn't so good. They've been sold a dud. Bilko comes up with a plan to get their money back.

Interestingly, Silvers fluffs one of his lines at one point, referring to Ritzik as a "hardened actor" rather than (presumably) a "hardened soldier" while trying to sell the excuse for Ritzik coming home late to his stern other half.

It's a belter.

136: Bilko's Small Car

Bilko is tasked to pick up the Colonel's new car - a rather nice Renault Dauphine I think, but maybe not - from Grove City. He takes an opportunity to load it up for the return journey with some gambling equipment he's bought from Hank the Bookmaker.

Unfortunately, two snoopy police officers find the stuff in the boot of the car while it's parked, then confiscate the Colonel's new runaround as evidence.

The solution? Manufacture a new car out of a jeep. Bilko is in charge of the motor pool, after all..

By a stroke of good fortune the original car is returned, but the (frankly rather ungainly) motor pool model inspires the calculating sergeant to consider a future in vehicle manufacturing.

Implausibly, Bilko and his investors (the hapless motor pool platoon boys as usual) receive enough orders to start manufacturing a few of them.

Average one, elevated to above-average status by a hilariously farcical scene in which Bilko cons Colonel Hall. But not for long.

137: Doberman: Missing Heir

Two British aristocrats, Lord and Lady Rockford, have arrived in San Francisco to continue their search for their son who disappeared from his pram as a baby 35 years earlier on a visit to America. The lad stands to inherit a fortune (and a title) if he can be found.

Fortunately their son was born with a distinctive birthmark on his left arm, so validating his identity should be straightforward.

Bilko's ears prick up when he hears about a reward of $5,000. Lady Rockford bears a faint resemblance to Private Doberman.. and Doberman has the birthmark!

The overweight private slips into his new persona surprisingly quickly. So much so that Bilko's influence over his podgy subordinate starts to wane. Naturally, he comes up with a plan.

This is one of those ones where Bilko's own greedy deviousness makes him feel guilty. I like that.

Good one. A bit different.

Although it's implied that Doberman is 35 in this episode, Maurice Gosfield, who played him, was 45 when it was filmed. Sadly, he died six years later in 1964.

138: Bilko's Casino

Bilko and the motor pool boys are running out of places to gamble. When the Colonel finds them playing blackjack in the dispensary, as a punishment he orders them to volunteer for some hard work at the local USO. They're to clean the building from top to bottom.

When they get there, they find a treasure trove of old gambling equipment gathering dust in the basement. It turns out that due to a legal technicality arising from an accident of history which we need not elaborate upon here, the USO is exempt from the California gambling laws.

This of course gives rise to a grand (and rather selfish) plan on Bilko's part. But he comes up against some rather shady characters - which of course necessitates another cunning plan.

Very good one.

I was quite intrigued by the actor who plays a smooth and urbane mobster boss. An Australian actor called Murray Matheson who was in his late 40s (looks older somehow) when this was made. He had a moderately successful career as a TV actor and died in 1985.

139: The Colonel's Second Honeymoon

California is undergoing a heatwave and the boys in the motor pool barracks are suffering. The air conditioner in their sergeant's office has broken under the strain.

Bilko attempts, predictably, to get Colonel Hall to grant him a furlough so he can go somewhere cooler. He uses the usual dead relative pretext, but the old boy's having none of it.

Of course the devious motor pool sergeant doesn't give up lightly. Can he get the colonel to go away himself for a couple of weeks, leaving the more pliable Captain Barker in charge? An opportunity arises for Bilko to persuade his commanding officer to do just that, with the judicious application of a degree of conniving, of course.

It's largely successful, but there are unintended consequences.

There's an odd moment when I can't help thinking that Paul Ford must have misremembered his line .. he telephones his wife and greets her with the words "Nell .. this is Colonel Hall".

There's a bravura performance by a young actress called Zandu Scott in which she basically does an over-the-top Marilyn Monroe impression. I got an erection.

Really nice one. Cute story.

140: Bilko in Outer Space

Grover and Ritzik win $600 at an illicit gambling event in the dynamite shed. The two lucky sergeants intend to spend their winnings on furlough in Hawaii in a week's time, so they make a firm resolution not to let Bilko take their winnings off them at cards.

He finds out about it soon enough, but not before they've gone into hiding. Of course there follows a (frankly preposterous) plan to get them into a card game, but it's not successful.

Surprisingly, it's Henshaw who comes up with an even better idea. It involves persuading Grover and Ritzik to volunteer for endurance testing in an isolation chamber, for research into human space travel.

Very good. This episode was first broadcast two years before Yuri Gagarin made the first human spaceflight, but it must have been a topic of interest even in 1959.

141: The Bilko Boycott

It's pay day again, and Bilko has a scheme to part the men from their money shortly after they get paid. He has Henshaw tell them that a lingerie model called Lucy Lamont - I couldn't find a reference to her online so I don't think she's a "guest star" - is visiting Camp Fremont to pose for the camera club.

Of course Bilko runs the club, and there are charges. The men are basically parted from their hard-earned on the basis that she'll be wearing very little clothing. The model herself receives only a very small cut.

But it's too much for Henshaw. And when Bilko constructs a mobile casino out of a trolley so that he can fleece his victims more efficiently, the likeable corporal finally rebels against Bilko's greedy and mercenary ways. Well - it's taken until the second-last episode for his conscience to win him over, but better late than never! And he forms Camp Fremont's very own Gamblers Anonymous organisation.

Bilko's illicit income bottom line suffers dramatically. But of course - he thinks of a way round it.

I have to say that the way Bilko's victims are presented as poker zombies, who simply cannot resist playing cards with him even though they know they'll lose, is rather implausible.

Other than that though - it's a belter.

142: Weekend Colonel

Finally, the very last instalment of The Phil Silvers Show.

Colonel Hall has had CCTV installed at Camp Fremont, and by an unfortunate coincidence, when he switches on the monitor in his office, he finds Bilko running a crap game.

To make matters worse, the old boy installs CCTV cameras in every building at the camp. The devious motor pool sergeant will not be able to evade his commanding officer's watchful eye.

But shortly after the colonel goes away for the weekend, Bilko runs into Hall's double. Somehow, a short order chef in a diner looks exactly like Colonel Hall. A solution begins to present itself..

It's a well worn trope for sitcoms of a farcical nature of course, the doppelgänger - in fact it's used at least three times over the four series of The Phil Silvers Show. But never to better effect than here.

A nice opportunity for Paul Ford to play a different character for once, and the deadbeat burger flipper certainly does have a very different personality from Colonel Hall. Absolutely hilarious.

Pure brilliance - toward the beginning of the last series I had an uncomfortable feeling that the shark had been jumped, but despite a few sub-par episodes the standard overall has been very high. And this last one of all is probably in the all-time Bilko top five.

I shall miss this. I doubt I'll ever watch the entire canon from start to finish again but I will dip into it again for sure, perhaps using this thread as a reference.

I've missed my daily trip to Fort Baxter, or Camp Fremont, and the late '50s.

Bought this from eBay, and have just ripped it to my PC:

(https://i.ibb.co/YQscgHt/followthatcameldvd.webp)


As far as I can tell it was given away with a copy of the Daily Mail who knows when, but I got it for less than £2 including postage.

Silvers plays Sergeant Nocker. Tempting to suppose that Nocker is based on Bilko, but supposedly the part was originally written for Sid James, who couldn't take part due to other commitments.

Silvers was billed as the star of the film and was paid substantially more than anyone else involved, which supposedly caused a bit of animosity.

I don't think I've ever seen this, but I could be wrong. Will give it a go over the weekend probably.

I watched Follow That Camel. I had to watch it in two goes, because my attention span didn't stretch to the full 90 minutes. It's enjoyably daft in places, but not a great film. I don't think I'd ever seen it before.

All of the Arab characters are ridiculous caricatures. I don't mind that so much, because the English characters are as well, mostly. And of course they're played by browned-up white actors. Joan Sims plays a waitress called ZigZag who works at the local drinking den. Anita Harris plays a duplicitous belly dancer.

Best of all the browned-up brigade though is Bernard Bresslaw as a local Arab sheikh. I'd never thought of him as a particularly talented comic actor but he is brilliant in this, I must say. He chews the scenery delightfully.

Kenneth Williams puts in a brilliant shift as the Legionnaire commandant, complete with cod-German accent. Charles Hawtrey does what he does. Jim Dale is a perfectly adequate leading man. The lovely Angela Douglas delivers her lines with impeccable timing.

As for Sergeant Nocker, well - he's a pale facsimile of Bilko. He's a wisecracking blagger, like the motor pool sergeant. But there's very little of the energy or wit of The Phil Silvers Show, of course. It pained me to see Silvers delivering some really weak one-liners in this. But if you forget about Bilko, on its own merits, the part works well enough.